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Let’s take a few moments to visualize how our future could be.

Where could your work take you?

What kinds of people do you want to associate with?

Who do you want in your inner circle?

What goals might you be working for in the future and what goals have you already achieved?

What have you moved away from that is causing you frustration today?

Where might you be living?

If the answers to one of these questions makes you feel excited, sit with it and daydream a little.

Just for today let’s explore the possibilities of our future… after all daydreaming is kind of fun 🙂

Ideas energize you.

They get you thinking about possibility.

They release dopamine into your brain which motivates you.

When they are flowing between you and others they create excitement.

And when you combine all of that you get momentum.

If you’re feeling stuck, sluggish or overwhelmed start a brainstorm session, tap into your imagination, and start dreaming.

If you do this on a consistent basis you won’t be able to help yourself but start moving forces again.

I’ve noticed that lately my internal narrative is critical of my body, my home, and my life.

Most of the story is not wrong because things have continuously fallen off track lately. Not just for me, but for a lot of us.

And when I woke up I was criticizing myself for being so critical about everything.

When I realized that I was being critical about being critical I giggled at myself and stopped and asked myself “where am I going with this and what do I really want?”

The answer came easily.

I want to see the beauty of life again. I’ve missed it while focusing on what needs to be improved or isn’t up to my standard.

I want to look in the mirror and see what’s beautiful…my hair, my skin, my eyes…or whatever might be glowing. I want to appreciate my body and it’s beauty.

I want to look at my home and see the handcrafted woodwork from over 100 years ago, the roof over my head, and the home it’s been for my family.

I want to look at my life and the journey and appreciate how far I’ve come.

I want to go about my day and see beautiful moments, beautiful people, animals, trees, flowers and mountains.

I want to retrain my eye to see what’s beautiful and to stop constantly look for what’s wrong and needs fixing.

I know the beauty is there because I’ve seen it before.

Beauty is everywhere.

I just need to start noticing it.

You have heard them say that everything that has happened in your life has prepared you for this moment. And yet for some reason you don’t believe it.

You still think you aren’t enough.

The world is a big place, and it makes us feel small. There is so much to learn, so much to do, and so many options.

But you are more ready for whatever is being put in front of you than you know.

Whatever challenge you have to face.

Whatever choice you have to make.

Whatever move you need to make.

Whatever conversations you need to have.

You are ready.

You might be scared because you don’t know the outcome – but a little faith in yourself goes a long long way.

I am slowly learning the reason we don’t feel ready is because we aren’t giving enough credit to the small things.

The small things are always the big things, but they are so often forgotten and overlooked.

When you realize that the words you speak make a difference in every situation… then you start to say them carefully and with intention. It seems so small, but it matters so much.

When you realize that the path you have been on has brought you to where you are – then you begin to realize that every thought, and every decision will take closer or further to where you want to go. They are small but mighty.

When you realize that putting your attention on something makes it grow, then you become much more careful about what you focus on. It seems so insignificant – but it can change everything.

The world is big, and we are small… and that just adds to my argument.

The small things matter the most.

And if you connect to the power you have inside of you, you will realize that you really aren’t so small after all.

Everything in your life has prepared you for this moment. So what are you going to do about it?

I spent a solid 15 years of my adult life trying to fix myself.

In my quest for perfection I kept coming up ‘less than perfect’ and thinking it was because something was wrong with me.

If someone said stop overthinking, I would make a mental note to fix that. If someone said you’re trying too hard, I would think that needed to be fixed. When we were broke, I tried to fix myself. When my husband wanted to be elsewhere I wondered what was wrong with me.

I saw myself as broken and needing to be fixed.

Then I slowly started to see the journey for what it is, a path of healing and discovery.

We aren’t broken at all.

We are afraid of ourselves and each other. We are afraid of the painful feelings that come from rejection, and failure, and the shame of screwing up.

We are wounded from the words of others, the thoughts we have about ourselves, and tragedy we’ve had to face.

But that doesn’t make us broken.

That means we need to heal. Underneath all of the mud and muck, the pain and the suffering, the emotional triggers and the limiting beliefs, we are whole and beautiful creatures of light who are meant to love and be loved.

We need to be curious, constantly looking for what it is trying to teach us and the whys behind it all. What can I learn from this? Why is this affecting me? Why am I triggered by that? Why did I eat so many cookies this winter? (Ok maybe that one doesn’t fit)

Our focus needs to be on continuously healing the wounds. If you think you’re “there”, it just means you’ve settled in your comfort zone and it’s time to try something new.

Perfect doesn’t exist. I hadn’t ever thought about this until Seth Godin pointed it out on a recent podcast. He talks of a scientist in Australia who is trying to make the perfect 1 kilogram sphere with micro silicone beads. It will be off by at least a few atoms, it will have slightly imperfect edges because perfect doesn’t exist. It will be the roundest sphere ever made, and it will still not be perfect.

I still catch myself thinking I’m broken, but now when I catch it, I self correct. It used to be my way of life.

I appreciate imperfections in others, especially when they stop trying to hide them.

I am drawn to people who are honest about their humanity and speak from their heart.

I love real people and real conversations.

I want to be more like that.

Care to join me?

I’ve been thinking about this whole idea Brene Brown brought to light for me, that you can only love someone else to the extent that you love yourself.

I think it relates to the old adage, we hurt the ones we love the most.

Wayne Dyer says, “When someone puts the pressure on you and out of you comes anything other than love, it’s because that’s what you’ve allowed to be inside. Once you take away all those negative things you don’t want in your life and replace them with love, you’ll find yourself living a highly functioning life.”

When I think about myself  under pressure I get irritable and lash out.  I always immediately regret it, like within seconds, but it still comes out of me.

I don’t like conflict, so when I’m under pressure from someone else, I will shut down.  Once I shut down, it’s not easy to turn around and open back up again.

As a parent I think we would like to think we love our children more than anything, including ourselves.  But if we look through our eyes as a child, we can see the places where possibly our parents couldn’t fully love us because they didn’t love themselves there.

I think this is a huge part of the equation of loving someone else as much as you love yourself, but I do feel like there is more.

As I work at figuring it out, I will share it.

In the meantime, if you care to tell me your thoughts on why it’s true, I think it’s a conversation worth having, and I would love to hear what you think.

I’m not one for small talk. I don’t usually want to talk about the weather, but for today’s blog I’m going to make an exception.

For several reasons the weather that we are enjoying these days seems extra good.

It’s better than any spring weather I can remember having in a long time.

I feel like we have really earned some nicer weather.

Or maybe we just have less activities to run to and we have more opportunity to appreciate it.

Either way, I’m grateful for better weather.

Anything that’s a little bit better is worth celebrating… more now than ever.

I guess the weather isn’t really small talk after all.

I used to think I was pretty smart. There are certain things I “knew” and was sure I had figured out.

For those of you who have been reading a long time, you might remember when I first came across the Mark Twain quote, “It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.” (Ironically this quote was at the beginning of the movie The Big Short and people have been quoting Mark Twain because of it, but it’s not actually his quote – guess they must have “known for sure” too).

Reading these words had me questioning everything in life – my “know it all for sure” self became a “know nothing at all”. It rocked my world for a while because my ego had to really take a back seat – all of the good things happen once you get that bad boy put in its place.

What I discovered was a whole new way of seeing the world because I became curious about why things were the way they were, even the things I thought I knew for sure. I started asking “what’s this for?” And “why” all of the time.

Why is being alone so scary?

Why do we want to be with people we love during the holidays?

What is marriage for?

What is money for?

Why do we have laws?

Everything I encountered I questioned and I started to see the world differently. I began to see how we all have the same wiring, but it also helped to stop resisting life and the ways in which I was wired too.

I learned the value of connection, which helped me dive deeper into it and taught me about vulnerability, shame, and living with an open heart.

I learned that importance of love, which has helped me discover a universal love for all things, which has taught me compassion.

And I learned that understanding my value as a human was the greatest gift I could give another person, because hiding in the shadows wasn’t helping anyone.

These are some pretty big, life changing lessons… and to think it started with a quote about the difference between knowing versus knowing for sure.. that I couldn’t even comprehend at first. Which by the way, I’ve discovered is the difference between being wise and being smart. And when give the choice between those two, I’ll choose wisdom any day.

I learned about writing a blog everyday and thought I am going to do this everyday for 2 years and see what happens. There are lots of days I wouldn’t have written anything without making that promise because it’s hard and sometimes I feel flat and have nothing to say.

I learned about vulnerability and said I want to be more like that. Then I found out how hard it was and I kind of didn’t want to do that anymore.

I learned about empathy and thought I can do more of that. Then I realized how hard it is because in order to practice empathy you really need to understand how you feel and operate on the other side of the equation, and I didn’t always know that.

I learned about the importance of adding value to someone else’s life and that my legacy would be every life I touch, and I thought I want to do more value adding. Then I realized how hard it is to be full of value when I’m just an ordinary person.

And through all of this I’ve learned a few things…

I’ve learned a lot about forgiveness. I’ve had to forgive myself for not knowing how, for not being perfect, for not being able to consistently do the things I’ve wanted to do, and for not being able to apply it to all areas of my life without someone telling me I’m missing a spot.

I’ve learned a lot about resilience. The only thing worse than trying to get through something that’s hard, is to quit because something seemed harder than I expected. I couldn’t stand the thought of not writing a blog post, not being empathetic, or not being vulnerable just because it was hard.

I’ve learned that I forget to enjoy the journey when it’s hard. I start wishing for myself to be at the finish line. I close my eyes and power through instead of pausing. I look back and wish I could be there, I look forward and wish I could be there. When really I just need to be here because this is where I am.

There is no escaping what’s hard.

There is no option to hide, to ignore, or to stay in a rut.

But there is the option to stop taking life so seriously and to enjoy the journey and the gifts it brings.

There is a chance we might look back and think these were some of the best days of our life.

So let’s live them and let’s enjoy them like they are the best days of our lives.

If you watched Finding Nemo, you would know that clown fish live in sea anenome.

The sea anenome sting most fish but the clown fish are immune to its sting, so it is well protected within the anenome.

The clown fish chases away other fish that try to feed on the anenomes tentacles, and it also takes food that is too large for it to eat and shoves it into the anenomes mouth to feed it.  The bigger the anenome the bigger clown family can live there.

The relationship is called mutualism.

They have each other’s backs, and they encourage growth within each other.

We can learn so much from nature.

They are helping each other in the way they need it, not in the way they “think” the other needs it.

They aren’t trying to control each other.
They aren’t trying to change each other.

They aren’t sabotaging, competing, dominating, rescuing, discriminating, degrading, or taking advantage of each other.

They are working together for the greater good of each other.

Why do we have such a hard time with this?

There was a mold I thought I had to fit in to, and who I was inside didn’t match it.
I tried to be who and what I thought everyone else wanted me to be.

I tried not to make anyone else feel uncomfortable by talking about anything that wasn’t concrete or along their line of thinking.

And I wondered all of the time why I was never accepted for who I was.

I love all things mystical and magical.  I love philosophy and I believed in quantum physics long before I heard scientists talk about it.

I never spoke of any of it because I didn’t want to be called crazy.

But then I realized we are all a little crazy in our own way, this was just my way.

I realized the more I accepted who I was, the more I didn’t give others the choice.  

I also realized that I’m more at peace and fulfilled inside when I speak about, honour and live a life that revolves around my beliefs and what I love.

Now I am intentionally and unapologetically waving my freak flag all over the place.

Now I consistently share, talk about, and teach what I believe, and I get a little deeper into my crazy all of the time.

             “It takes courage to grow up and be who you really are.” ~ E.E. Cummings

The part I didn’t understand before was that by hiding who I was, and by pretending I was someone I wasn’t, I attracted people who were doing the same into my life.

Now, with my flag flying high, people like me who do “things like this”, can find me.

Because I have shown up in my life, others have shown up in my life that are doing “things like this” with me.

The more I am who I am, the more I can be who I am.
That is glorious.   And freeing.    And confirming.   

Are you being unapologetically you?

Change is hard.

It’s uncomfortable and brings up all sorts of fear and unhealthy beliefs. The story you’re telling yourself is challenged, and your comfort zone is gone.

Change is hard, even when you want to change. Expecting someone else to change is futile… unless you can help them see what is possible on the other side.

Believing in what’s possible is the secret sauce to making change. It’s worth spending your time painting this picture until it’s clear. For yourself, and for the others that are coming with you.

You have to want what is possible and you have to be willing to face failure after on the way there… because what you’re trying probably won’t work the first time, and it might not work the second, third, or fourth time either.

But one thing is for sure, if you don’t live in the realm of possibility, things will always stay the same as they are now.

Today I turn 40 years old.  I’m now in the club. 

It sounds so much older than it feels but I feel like I’ve earned my stripes.   

I remember my dad talking about his younger brother, and saying that people’s financial problems seem to go away after 40.   

I thought I would never get there.  

Looking back on my adult decades…

20’s…. were all about building my family.  

I started dating my husband just before my 21st birthday, and we were married the day after I turned 22.

We welcomed our first son when I was 23, and we bought our house that year.  

Our next son came along when I was 25, at 27 we had a miscarriage, and when I was 29 we were completed our family with a baby girl.

30’s… were all about personal growth and getting to know myself

We moved to the farm when I turned 30.  There is hours and hours of lawn mowing to do.   While I was on the lawn mower I was listening to audio versions of Abraham Hicks and Wayne Dyer over and over until I gained an understanding.  

By 35 all of the hours had totally changed me, and at age 36 I started a new life on my own.

The following 2 years were some of the hardest of my life.   I learned people who have treated you like a doormat don’t like it when you stop laying down and taking it… and believing in who I am as opposed to who I was told I was, was no easy task, but also the very best and most important lesson learned of my life so far.  

The last 2 years of my 30s have been about really getting to know myself through the layers.   I have been working hard to clear regrets, resentments, and anger.  

I’m hitting my 40s with a little bit of work to do to finish cleaning up my 30s… but also with a lot of excitement for the future.   

I have been asked to be a guest speaker on March 8 at a local ladies event to celebrate International Woman’s Day… that’s an exciting way for me to start this decade off! (If you would like to come you can get more information and tickets at www.ladiesoutloud.ca).  I have always dreamed of being a speaker.   

Tonight my family is taking me for a beautiful dinner at the same place we celebrated my 16th birthday, I will be reconnecting for a weekend with a lifelong friend soon, and my sister and I are taking a bucket list trip to New York this spring… all of these blessings to start my 40s…how lucky am I?

In this decade my children will become adults and begin their adult journeys and I know I am going to find a lot of empty spaces I will be filling with new things… I suppose there is even a chance of grandchildren popping up, if I’m lucky.   

I still feel like I’m just getting started with life…there is so much I want to do.  

So I guess it’s Happy Birthday to me…

And onward we go!

When life is sweet and you are on a roll you want to hang on. You wish these times wouldn’t end.

You don’t want to re enter the “real world” after a holiday…

You don’t want the weekend to end.

It is never fun to send the kids back to school after summer holidays.

But the memories we hold about the times that were really hard, but you over come it all… those are some really good ones.

When you have to become better because quitting isn’t an option and there is no other way…

Or when you bleed and sweat and push your way through to victory…

Or when you accomplish something that felt completely impossible at one point…

Looking back, those memories are some of the best.

Just for today… don’t shy away from what’s hard. Dig deep within yourself and sweat it out a little bit.

Let yourself rise and become someone a little stronger than you are right now.

Your future self will thank you, and the memories will totally be worth it.

Just do yourself a favour and don’t quit before you get to the finish line.

You make friends by being a friend.

That means being generous.

It means offering value.

It means sharing insights and wisdom.

It means offering support and encouragement.

It means remembering what’s happening in their world and asking about it.

It means asking questions.

It means joining into conversations and contributing.

It’s genuine interest in another human.

And if you do this consistently, pretty soon you will have new friends.

I don’t think you should ever give up.

There is so much life out there for you.

We have agency to do as we choose, so you can choose to give up if you want.

I just wish we couldn’t.

The times that were super hard and I would have liked to given up, I was already too deep to quit.

And I’m so grateful for it now.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to burn the boats and not give yourself an option.

It’s also the hardest thing.

But it’s the most worth it in the end.

You just have to endure the pain and keep learning until you get to the part where things start to become clear.

Cheryl Strayed says, “surrender to your own mediocrity”.

Just for today, let’s try that.

I don’t know exactly how she means it, but we can make up our own meaning.

Let’s leave our egos in bed and asleep, and go through the world humbly. We are enough as we are… and that might be mediocre at best.

Just for today, let’s travel through the world as a student and surrender to our own mediocrity.

Until you know where you are, you can’t get to where you are going.

I’ve wondered about fairness a lot lately.

I’m not sure what it means or who gets to decide.

How does a person figure it out?

If the good truly die young, that doesn’t seem fair… but how would we know for sure?

Oprah had Mark Nepo on her show a few weeks ago and he said a line that has stuck with me:

“To learn how to ask for what we need, only to practice accepting what we’re given. This is our journey on Earth.”

I have sat with these words for a while now. I feel the truth of them and I have lived the experience over and over. Sometimes what we are given is better than what we asked for, and sometimes it’s less.

I have decided that “fair” only comes into play when we are comparing our experience with someone else’s…thats a fruitless endeavour and one that will rob your joy.

Our life, our gifts, our experiences, our results and our reality are our journey.

The gifts, obstacles, experiences and results that someone else is handed is their journey.

Comparing the 2 to determine what is fair doesn’t even make sense when you remember that we are all on our own journey.

Life isn’t fair and it’s not meant to be.

In the grand scheme of things I don’t think it would help us if it was.