Simple RemindersĀ 

We like it when you say please and thank you all of the time. 

We like it when you let us go first.

We like it when you consider our feelings.

We like it when you support us.

We like it when you lend a hand.

We like it when you remember what is special to us or about us.

We like it when you give more than you promised.

We like it when you do what you say.

We like it when you consider the effort we put in.

We like it when you listen intently.

We like it when you give some consideration to us because life is hard.  

We like it when you open the door for us.

We like it when you care.

We like it when you use your manners, it’s about more than just being polite.  

Good manners never go out of style. 

Navigating Life…How do We Get “There” from Here?

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could find the answers to our most pressing questions outside ourself?

Wouldn’t it be great if there was a handbook we could follow that told us how to do hard things?

I’ve been looking for one.

I have asked… What is it I’m missing? Where do I go from here? What is the next step? How do I get to where I want to be from where I am?  How do I not lose what I have along the way?

I have read books looking for direction.

I have asked people I trust.

I have paid professionals to guide me.

The problem is…I want to find the way, that nobody else seems to understand, I don’t want to sacrifice, I want to build. 

I have a vision in my head of where I’m going and don’t know the steps to take in order to get there.  

Deep down I know I have to become the person who can find a new path even though all I can see is a dead end.
I have learned that in order to grow, we have to explore options we didn’t consider before.

And certainly before we can know what we want…we have to know what we don’t want. 

Nobody else can know this but me.
If you are also looking for the map, I’m glad you’re looking… it’s better than being stuck.

Keep searching…

Keep asking…

Keep exploring…

Keep seeking out the dead ends…

Until one day, you find the answer within yourself.

(Then let me know how you did itšŸ˜‰)

Why Hanging On To All You Have Doesn’t Work

Scarcity mentality affects every area of your life.
You don’t feel like you have enough money.

You don’t feel like you have support.

You don’t feel loved.

You don’t feel like there is enough food in the fridge.

When you’re in scarcity, there is never enough.  

I’ve been there, and it’s hard to loosen up, which only makes it worse because you get back what you put out.  

One morning a long time ago at my height of my feelings of scarcity and out of balance,  I randomly paid for the coffee of the person behind me in the drive through.  

I had to scrape up the spare change in my ashtray to do it.  
I was doing it intentionally anonymously and for a complete stranger so there were no strings attached.

Inside I felt like I had made the first move by giving, and I hoped that when the time was right it would be returned to me after it had been massaged by the universe and grown into something unexpected and totally unrelated somewhere down the road.

3 hours later I was back in the drive through of a different coffee shop and my coffee was paid for by someone in front of me.

It was so blatantly reciprocated and in such a hurry, I felt a bit shafted because I wanted it to come back bigger and better… but I also smiled.

And I still smile as I remember it today.

You get what you give.

You reap what you sow.

And the universe will play nicely with you if you are just willing to get in the game.

How To Determine If Someone Means What They Say

You know the people who say one thing and do the opposite?

The ones who always have the right thing to say at the right moment, but don’t have any follow through?

These guys mess me up.

I’m a really good listener, which is a good thing until I come across someone who isn’t saying what they mean, and meaning what they say.

I also realize that I can be over enthusiastic and helpful with other people, so I will be helping them do something they have since decided not to do, but haven’t had the courage to tell me they changed their mind…because I’m so helpful.

A horse will always tell you what’s on his mind by where his feet take him.  
If he simply looks away when you’re working with him, it’s almost guaranteed he wants to get away.

I’ve been trying to apply this to people on moms recommendation.

Instead of listening and believing every spoken word, I take a step back and look at what their feet are telling me.

The old saying actions speak louder than words comes in pretty handy here.  

When someone tells me something and then does the opposite, I’m learning that the real truth is revealed by watching their feet.

If you tell me you want to be here, but you’re always over there… that’s the truth.

If you tell me you want to quit something, but you’re always doing it… that’s the truth.  

If you tell that you want to start something, but never start… that’s the truth.

Until someone’s feet line up with their words they aren’t serious about what they’re saying…yet.

So I wait for the sign.

I’ve learned that the majority of people never get aligned, but the ones who do…watchout!  

They are the ones who are really making things happen.  

Making New Connections

I had the freedom to meet a couple of people for coffee this weekend, which doesn’t happen very often.

Both of whom were brave enough to approach me in the beginning.  

Both of whom, I very much enjoy their company and am so happy they made the first contact.  

I would not have approached them to be friends.  Not because I didn’t like them, but because I would have met them, liked them and went on my way…just like with that super cute guy at the grocery store I never talked to.

One of these new friends approached me at Costco originally, and the other approached me at an event I attended.  

Thankfully they were brave enough to do the pursuing. 

In middle school I remember feeling rejected by someone. I can’t remember their face or name, but whoever it was, snubbed me when I wanted to be their friend, and I have carried that fear of rejection with me ever since.  

I hear from so many people how hard it is to make friends at this stage in the game, and it’s been true for me also outside of befriending someone at my kids activities. 

Now that I better understand the value and the power of connections, I think I should make an effort to make new connections on a continual basis.  

The world is filled with people and maybe lots of them want a new friend. 

Isn’t it silly that I’m not approaching them because I’m just carrying around dumb middle school insecurities at age 40?

I started this year with the intention to be brave, this seems like a great new way to practice it.

Coffee anyone?

Understanding The Human Operating System

Sometimes I try to differentiate the “good guys” from the “bad guys” in order to make a point.

But the truth is that the belief of “me vs. them” is a path of pain.

“Me vs. them” thinking breeds mistrust, paranoia, and blame.

The thing about humanity is that at the core, we are all human and even though we are all working in different programs, we are still running the same operating system.

This means there are threads of commonalities between all of us.  

What exists in someone else always exists in you.

The very hard and seemingly impossible part is finding the humility to see the sameness within yourself as with someone who has wronged you.

Finding this place in yourself is so important… not so that you can put your faith in the wrong people, but so that you aren’t living with any hate, blame or revenge inside of you.

Looking for the sameness within yourself as others brings a deeper understanding to the situation, but also illuminates where you could have made better choices in the past or prepares you for better choices in the future.  

It is equally as important to find the sameness within yourself as with people you idolize.  

It can be just as hard to see the greatness within yourself (or the faults of) an idol or someone you have placed on a pedestal. But it is so necessary,  not so that you can think less of someone else’s gifts, but so that you don’t live in a state of unworthiness, and undeserving.

We all struggle with our ego, feeling separate, and the constant labels, stories and assumptions the endless chatter in our mind conjures up.  

We all want to be seen, heard, appreciated and important to someone.

At the deepest level we all need and crave love and connection… and at that same visceral level we all fear not having it.

It is so easy to point the finger at others and call them “all bad” or “all good”. 

But if you use what you see in others to understand yourself better, you will also understand others better.

The more you understand the operating system, the less you are bound by the fear of another.

There is huge freedom in that.

The Key To Making A Change

How long will you continue to live like this?

Big change only becomes important when you look into the future and legitimately see yourself 5, 10, 15 years down the road doing the same things you are now, living the same life.  

The things you have been putting up with for years aren’t going to change themselves or they would have by now.

I read this yesterday and thought yes!   That’s what did it for me!

The pain of staying where I was for another 15 years was greater than the pain of making the change.  

If you imagine yourself in the future doing the same as you are now, would you be happy?

Are you willing to do what’s necessary to make the change for your future self?