I’ve always been a huge advocate for change… until it happens. Then it would take me a while to catch up.
I’m not sure but I think I’m unusual that way. I think most people stress about change until it happens, but once it does then they run with it.
I become a hermit for a year or so after a big life change in order to adjust. But it seems once that year is up, I forget how hard it was and then root for change again the next time.
Its the variety change can bring that I love so much and the spice of life that would get me excited. I love new adventures and I love any challenge that looks like it will bring growth.
That was how it was until I had some major changes take place without my permission.
Things started happening out of my control and honestly, it spooked me a bit.
I got my ass kicked.
These changes brought out some serious bitterness and resentment in me.
I remember opening my mouth to speak, trying to be cheeky or funny and all sorts of acid would spill out with my words.
You know those moments where everyone gets awkward and silent because nobody even knows what to say in response… I was that guy for a while.
I was embarrassed every time it happened, but I couldn’t seem to help it.
Then I read a Facebook post by Elizabeth Gilbert… she inspired me with her truth and empathetic insight as to how hard life can be and how it affects us all, and from that moment on I decided that I was going to refuse to be bitter no matter the hell WHAT.
It took some work and a whole lot of faith in a plan that was bigger than me.
My ego took a fairly large hit as I had to admit the change I so strongly resisted was maybe the way things were supposed to be.
I had to find forgiveness for all of the people who I thought were responsible, and that was no easy task.
To this day I still wish things could have been different and every once in a while I still shed a few tears…but like Liz suggested I fight for the light and I am building my new life on every bit of evidence of grace the world has ever given me.
Things will never be the same.
I will never be the same.
But it’s ok because I am a better, albeit more weathered person than I was before.