I have seen a lot of macho grown men who are terrified of their feelings.
Instead of allowing themselves to be vulnerable and express painful emotions they usually become angry.
These are the bullies, the narcissists, and the average everyday guy.
We have done such a disservice to the men in the world by not teaching them how to process their emotions.
I’m a mom to 2 boys and I haven’t taught them very well either. It’s not easy because society is telling them who they need to be, and the message is louder than “mom”.
I think a huge part of our problem is that we don’t know how to process emotions. There isn’t a book or a map that lays it out for us.
Lately I’ve regressed slightly with my own emotional intelligence.
This year has been no joke, and I’ve been reminded to slow down and go back to the basics, and start processing all of the feelings I’ve been feeling.
So I thought it would be a good refresher to make a how to list, in case you are ignoring your feelings like I have been.
1. Name the emotion. We feel pain but we don’t recognize what it is. Is it rejection? Is it betrayal? Is it shame? Figure out exactly what it is your feeling and name it.
2. You will probably want to understand the trigger. Why are you feeling this emotion? What happened in your past that gave you this lens to look through and interpret the situation this way?
3. Accept that you are feeling this emotion. Say to yourself, “this is rejection, I’m feeling rejection right now”.
4. Stay with the feeling without repeating the story. Just feel the emotion in your body and see how your body responds to it. Is your pulse racing? Are your cheeks flushed? Do your armpits tingle? Just feel the energy of the emotion in your body.
5. When it’s ready to pass through you (which will only take a couple of minutes at most), let it go.
Understanding how to process emotions is a game changer. All of a sudden you feel better instead of feeling worse.
Resisting the feeling just makes your body rigid and makes the emotion stronger.
But if you walk into your feelings and you will be able to walk away from them.