When people are in pain they look for a way to take the pain away. Very few people sit with it until it dissipates (even though that’s the best way to handle it).
We resist the pain, run away, and look for an escape, trying to find something that will help us feel better.
Sometimes that “thing” is you.
If you read my blog consistently, you are probably someone who wants to help others.
Caring about others is wonderful, caring so much that you get lost in their problems is toxic.
Just because someone wants you to take their pain away, doesn’t mean you can. In fact it’s a big waving red flag of codependence.
Boundaries are helpful because they create space around you.
“I have 30 minutes to listen” is a great start.
I used to spend my time solving other people’s problems. It wasn’t helpful and usually led to arguments, resentment, and obsessiveness.
Now I’m happy to offer some insight, encouragement, or feedback from what I see, and then I get back to my own life.
It’s a much healthier way to operate.