I’ve struggled for as long as I can remember in all kinds of relationships. They have always been so difficult because they are hard.
I never took them for granted, in fact I wanted them too badly.
The advice I was always given was that it takes two people to make a relationship work.
Since I could only be responsible for my end, those words would make me try harder, be kinder and show more affection.
I trusted that the other person was doing the same.
Later when I got some distance from the major dysfunctions in my life I realized I was in all sorts of one sided relationships.
I’m a giver and was doing all of the giving, I was the only one showing up for the other person, and when I needed help or emotional support from them they weren’t there.
At first it was devastating and I spent a very long time alone… not trusting myself and my judgement anymore.
As I started to find fulfillment within myself, I was able to give freely without needing anything in return except connection.
I could give a little here and a little over there and then carry on with life and not obsess about it.
I started to be surprised by relationship turmoil because I was so content I didn’t see it coming (usually it was backlash from me not carrying the relationship anymore).
And now… I’m starting to finally meet some really cool, giving and loving people who are also self fulfilled.
I can’t wait to see where this journey goes next, I feel like I’m finally starting to see the other side.