It’s been a tough week and I’ve been out of sorts.
As always the animals in my life are picking up on it…bless their hearts being so connected and caring.
We had a cold night, so I brought my beautiful new flower pot of Lilly’s inside the door so it wouldn’t freeze and went to bed.
I woke the next morning to a mess of dirt and Lilly’s from the top of my stairs all of the way to the bottom. At the bottom of the stairs I found a dead mouse and two accidents from my dog.
The cat was laying beside the dirt and the Lilly’s staring at me like he was saying, “yeah I made this mess, what are you going to do it about it? See that mouse? You need me.”
My dog hasn’t had any accidents since she was a puppy, I’m sure she’s out of sorts because I am.
I thought, this is my life right now represented by my cat and dog.
I remember Elizabeth Gilbert saying when you come to the end of yourself, that’s when things start to get interesting.
When you don’t know what to do anymore.
When you have to rely on something outside of yourself.
Sometimes when I don’t know what to do its because I’m trying to do everything except what my heart is telling me.
Sometimes when I don’t know what to do it’s because I’m feeling pressure from someone else’s agenda.
Sometimes when I don’t know what to do it’s because I’m trying to cross a chasm without first building a bridge.
If I look at my life from the outside, I think if this seed I planted would sprout I could turn left, or if that seed I planted would sprout, I could turn right.
And here I am, feeling like I’m at the end of myself and not knowing what to do.
Feeling like I have only seeds without sprouts, wondering if they are even germinating.