I work at being the best person I can be. I understand I’m not perfect (although I do love perfection in so many ways), I also understand that I will never be perfect because it doesn’t exist. Perfection exists only in our minds, not in the physical world.
But I constantly try to improve and evolve into my best self.
I read so that I can learn from others how to see the world differently and to learn about life through the perceptions of others.
I work at training my mind and my thoughts so that I don’t spiral down and self sabotage.
I love living a healthy life. I am like a kid in a candy store when I’m at a market that has fresh fruits and vegetables. It’s weird, but I can’t help myself.
Knowing how much I love living this way and knowing that bettering myself is a core value of mine, it still surprises me when I neglect one of these areas in my life. Yet I do it.
I didn’t pay attention to my nutrition over the winter. I ate all things that I consider to be poison to my system… sugar, white bread, pasta, and lots of cookies. I gained weight, I felt horrible, I had less than zero energy, and stress affected me worse than normal.
Why would I do this? I’m not entirely sure, but I think every once in a while we fall back into bad habits to reaffirm why we dropped them and made better choices in the first place.
I’m back on the wagon now. 9 weeks ago I did a major reform on my diet and cut out dairy, wheat, sugar, eggs, and caffeine and started taking specific supplements to rebalance my mineral levels.
It wasn’t easy at all, nothing at that point was easy. I felt horrible and everything was hard. I wanted to stay in my bedroom with my curtains closed. I was using caffeine and sugar as fuel, and they were just depleting me more. My clothes weren’t fitting and when I looked in the mirror I didn’t even recognize my body anymore.
The good news is that it worked. I am feeling so much better which means I’m far more social, I have energy, and I want to do things again rather than just sleep all of the time. It also means I’ve had the energy to ride horses and that brings a certain happiness into my life I can’t find elsewhere.
I have two choices in how I look at this. I can be angry for falling off the nutrition wagon when I knew better, or I can be grateful for the confirmation that I don’t want to live that way and be grateful for how much better I’m feeling now than before. It took a new low for me to get to a new high, and that’s actually a good thing.
A downward spiral isn’t bad as long as we find a way to turn it around and do better than before.