I recently read a book by the Arbinger Institute called Leadership and Self Deception. It’s not a book I would have picked up on my own but it came highly recommended to me by a well respected friend.
One of the major takeaways I had from the book was to listen to the little voice inside of me to do “the thing”. The little voice might be telling me to speak up, to lend a hand, to extend kindness, to reach out to someone, or any number of things. Whatever it is, when the idea pops into your awareness you act on it.
That part is simple and we all know to be kind, to listen to the voice, and to act rather than stand back. The difference in this book was the point being made was about the damage we do in the moments after we choose to not do the thing. The moment when we betray ourself.
When we don’t act we fall into self-deception and we inflate others faults, inflate our own virtue, inflate the value of things that justify our self-betrayal, and blame others. (Technical terms from the book). Basically we start telling stories to ourselves about why we are superior and consequently make it ok to not be our best, most generous self.
I’ve been playing with this over the last few weeks since I finished the book. I’ve probably missed some moments because you need to be very aware of your self talk in order to catch the moment, but I’ve also caught a few.
Usually when the idea pops up I catch myself debating what I’m going to do with it. Immediately I start to justify why I wouldn’t do it, and that’s where I’ve been noticing what’s happening. At that moment I have been choosing to stop justifying and start planning how to execute. Ego in check, vulnerability at the fore front, and generosity on my mind I have been doing “the thing”.
I haven’t had one regret. It turns out that when I speak up and say things others were already thinking it’s appreciated and the words might have otherwise gone unsaid. I have walked up to chat with someone I didn’t know and received a note in return about how doing so “made their day”.
Our true self speaks to us first, and our true self operates in a higher level of consciousness than our minds do. In the split second between the idea and debate we lower our consciousness and decision making to that of our mind. But when we listen to the very first inkling we are tapping into the wisdom of our true self, the one that comes from a place of love and helps us be a better human.