I’ve been asked several times in several different ways, “but what if it changes me?” And sometimes I haven’t been asked, I’ve been told, “this has served me well and I am not going to give it up”.
I have constantly strived for change believing that the better it gets, the better it gets. I never had an answer or response and it took me a long time to even relate to that question.
But then I realized that in the past I had been told I change “too much” and my immediate silent reaction was, “this has served me well and I’m not giving it up”.
Now I understand the feeling better. I didn’t want to give up change any more than other people wanted to give up staying the same.
My idea of leaning into change wasn’t healthy. It came from a place of lack and scarcity and criticism, thinking that I wasn’t ever good enough and that I needed to be different somehow in order to have a better life.
I gave that theory a good shot, I stuck with it a long time and tried everything I knew to make it work for me. In the end I learned that no amount of personal change could ‘fix’ my life.
Somewhere in the middle of all of that chaos I learned something extremely valuable.
Change and transformation aren’t the same thing even though they live under the same umbrella.
All of the time I was searching for the answer and trying to change myself to fit the situation… the situation was transforming me without me realizing it.
Transformation is the golden key because it isn’t about changing into someone else, or something different, or better in any sense. Transformation is about becoming more of who you are at the core. It’s an un-layering and an unfolding and a constant discovery of whatever you can find that makes your light shine brighter. Transformation is a becoming… and a blooming… and a deeper understanding.
Our job is only to allow the transformation to happen and look for opportunities that will keep it in motion.
The more we hang on to the thoughts and beliefs that don’t line up with our core we slow it down and the longer it takes to bloom.
My new answer to the question, “but what if it changes me?” is, “my darling you don’t have to change, you only need to give it permission to help you become more of who you already are”.