I’ve always been a rule follower. I like to be a good girl, I like to do a good job, and I’m very coachable, I almost always do as I’m told.
I was raised in a fairly strict household. I was expected to do as I was told and no meant no. I didn’t try to negotiate because I was a rule follower.
For the majority of my adult life the rules I followed felt suffocating. I carried the burden of responsibility even when everyone else was goofing off and I felt it and a lot of the time I resented it. I was at home looking after the kids, doing the laundry, and saving money, while it seemed everyone else was doing lunch, going shopping, partying, and being irresponsible.
It exhausted me and there were several times I remember thinking that I was tired of always being responsible.
That has shifted over the last few years which is somewhat surprising since I am the only adult in the house now and I really am responsible for everyone.
I have quit forcing myself to follow all of the rules. I have let societal expectations go. I had to surrender to the fact that I am only one person, and I can only do what I can do.
But the craziest thing has happened.
I now choose to live as good of a life as I can. I no longer want to focus on myself and what’s right or wrong for me and in order to do and I’ve noticed that I am far exceeding the limitations of the rules and responsibilities I used to follow.
I now only feel responsible to be the best person I can be. I don’t follow rules. I make the choice to respect other people in every way possible, I respect their choices, I respect their things, I respect their journey and the struggle they all face every damn day.
For me, that means caring about others enough to let them experience life the way they need to, but also offering reflection and sharing what I’ve learned just in case it might help them.
It means understanding myself enough to know my strengths and when I am doing my best work. Then finding ways that I can do more of it.
It means letting go of the jobs that are draining or soul sucking for me. I am the angriest house cleaner and laundry folder you’ve ever met. I finally hired someone who loves to clean and fold laundry and we are both happy about it.
It means I look after others by supporting their dreams, and encouraging bravery, and finding connection and loving them, but not by doing life for them. They choose to show up, put in the work, ask the questions, and search for their own answers, and I support their quest.
Im not forcing anything and the burden has completely lifted. It has been a very long time since I have felt tired of being responsible or resentful of all of the rules. Now life has become a quest for me to offer more, do better, and learn more.
It’s a wonderful place to be.