I had bound myself to a set of standards and ideals that trapped me. There were certain lines in life I had promised myself as a young woman that I was never going to cross. I was raised to do as I say I’m going to do without exception, and so I did.
Those vows I made in my youth, before I ever knew what life had in store for me were paramount…more important than my happiness, my opinions, my dreams, and my “me”.
I didn’t know that my “me” was going to be an issue when I made those promises to myself. I was in a developmental stage of life where everything was about me. I saw being an adult as a world full of freedom of choice. I took my “me” for granted.
As life began to happen, I put “me” on hold to stand by those vows I had made to myself. And slowly I started to disappear.
Around the age of 35 (yes ~ mid life crisis) I wondered how much longer I had to live like this. If I had been holding true to these vows at the expense of “me” for 15 years already, was I willing to go another 15 years?
Was I willing to wake up at 50 years old to this same life?
I wasn’t.
And so I began to dismantle the vows.