Codependency. I have some codependent tendencies. I see it as a weakness in myself … and one of those things that makes me want to hide my head in the sand rather than say out loud.
I first learned about it in counselling in my early 20s.
My counsellor talked about it, I read a book, we did some play therapy and I thought I was fixed.
I wasn’t fixed.
I don’t know that codependence ever goes away.
The more self aware I become the more I recognize when it’s starting to rear it’s head again.
I like to help others. I like to help others so much, that it’s too much.
That’s how my codepency has primarily shown up in my life.
If I’m not careful I will become so helpful that I will completely abandon myself and my life in order to help someone else with theirs.
I will become responsible for other people’s struggle.
I obsessively research their struggles and solutions… I will spend hours thinking about their problems (that they may or may not recognize as problems), and I will neglect all of my priorities and responsibilities in doing so.
Then I would be frustrated that they never “got it”… even though they likely didn’t even want that much help to begin with.
It was not a very healthy relationship skill. I had no respect for the other persons journey.
So in order to balance it, I have had to reframe my way of thinking.
Now instead of ‘helping’ others… I support them, and share what I see or something I’ve learned that might relate or help
That feels so much less ‘take responsibility for it and do it for them’ to me.
I allow the people in my life to choose their path… and whatever path they choose or lessons they have to learn or struggle they are facing, I do my best to support them.
Their life, their choices, their lessons and my support.
A much healthier relationship recipe.