I was “strong” and didn’t let it show when I was embarrassed, I laughed when I was uncomfortable and because I decided I wanted to be “positive” and “optimistic” I felt like I could only talk about the good things.
Courage used to be a word I associated with warriors and slaying dragons. It wasn’t something I thought much about because I didn’t see how it applied to my life until I came across a lady on Oprah about 6 years ago named Brene Brown. Brene taught me about shame and vulnerability, both things that had never really been on my radar.
I dug in to both shame and vulnerability pretty deep. I went through a serious shame spiral as I learned more from Brene. I started owning all of the hurtful things I had done in my past, all of my mistakes, and I looked for my role in all of the times I had seen myself as the victim. This was not a fun exercise, it’s one you can’t imagine until you’ve been there yourself.
I slowly clawed my way out of the dark shame spiral and found a new me on the other side.
I no longer felt the need to be positive and optimistic. I just needed to be real with what I felt in my heart. I don’t see my thoughts or attitude as glass half empty or half full anymore. I’m not judging myself for what I feel or how I feel. I’m just always exploring why I feel the way I do.
I’ve spent a couple of years figuring out how to express myself in a way that doesn’t give away my power and it has taken some serious warrior sized dragon slaying courage. I am constantly surrendering to what I don’t know and I don’t have the answers for.
There are times I feel like a real life lotus flower. One that has lived in the mud and the muck but has still been able to open up and allow the most beautiful parts to shine.
When I see someone who has the courage to be vulnerable my heart explodes. It is one of my most favourite human experiences because it’s so beautiful and so real.
Maya Angelou said, “Courage is the most important of the virtues, because without it, no other virtue can be practiced consistently, you can be kind and true and fair and generous and just, and even merciful, occasionally, but to be that thing time after time, you have to really have courage.”
Courage is where it all begins, and only now am I really starting to understand the depth of how right Maya Angelou was.
We need courage every single day to show up, to admit mistakes and weakness, to face our dragons, to do hard things, to ask hard questions, to love instead of hate, to give instead of take, to forgive others, and to stand up for what we believe.