I never made a point of belonging somewhere.
I wasn’t on any sports teams growing up and every horse club I was a part of was comprised of my direct competition, which made relationships rocky at best. We felt an underlying “we don’t really want you here” tone in a few of them, and there was an overture of “every man for himself in all of them.
I never knew belonging was a human need.
I homeschooled my kids without knowing how important belonging was, until one day Mom told me it might be time to put the kids in school because she sensed they were feeling left out with their hockey team mates and peers.
That was 6 years ago and the first time I consciously became aware of “belonging”.
But it wasn’t until a couple of years ago that I really began to understand the depth at which we all need to feel like we belong somewhere.
Imagine being ostracized and shamed by all of society including the people who are closest with you right now.
Imagine feeling that you would never be loved again. Every Christmas, every holiday, and every time you wanted to share special moments or celebrations with others, there was no one because no one loved you.
It was when I started to think about how that might feel that I started to understand how truly important my people are. The ones who love me now became more important to me, and returning that love became important also.
I made sure my children always knew they were welcome to be with me. When there had been times in the past I might have pushed them away to get some “adult time” or space for myself, I quit doing that. I wanted them to always feel like they belonged with me if that was where they wanted to be.
It’s important to create space for other people to feel like they belong, but it’s also very important seek out places to belong to. It is a basic human need that is critical to our well being no matter what age, shape, or size you are.
Firemen have a brotherhood that they cherish. Lawyers have a brethren and rules of fair conduct within it.
Belonging is only as strong as the people who create the space.
But isn’t it lovely when you find that place.
That is part of the beauty of all literature. You discover that your longings are universal longings, that you’re not lonely and isolated from anyone. You belong.”