Your issues, complaints, expectations, grievances, blame, and anger towards a person you have a close personal relationship with is not about them.
Sure, that person may not be meeting your expectations, yes they could be rude, possibly they don’t know your love language and don’t care to know it, and it might be true that they were very wrong about something. They may have betrayed you or embarrassed you, they may have let you down when you were counting on them.
Even though someone else may have done all of these terrible things to you, how you feel about those things is about you. If you have any kind of emotional charge over their behaviour, you are telling us more about you than them
We don’t like to feel bad and we certainly don’t like to dig into our pain spots, so instead we armour up and try to make everyone else act “appropriately” so that our lives can be more comfortable.
Not taking responsibility for the way we feel is the cause of 97% of all fights in relationships (this is not a scientific study, it’s my best guess).
When you can allow others to live their life according to their values and standards, and give them the space to learn the lessons the universe intends for them to learn, things improve dramatically.
When you understand that how you feel about someones choices is always and only ever about you, you can continue on your journey doing your own work healing your wounds and triggers.