I used to live on other people’s mountains.
I wanted to fix all of their problems for them, shoulder all of the responsibility, and do whatever I could for their happiness.
The problem with this was that when they were unhappy they would blame me for the parts of their life that I couldn’t help or couldn’t fix. Usually I took the blame because I wanted to fix their problems… and when things went badly it sent me into problem solving overdrive.
Can you see an unhealthy cycle happening?
Being single has helped me learn how to stay on my own mountain. I speak up when I see someone struggling and think have something to offer, then I get back to my journey and my life.
I’ve stopped running around trying to be the person I think everyone else wants me to be, and I’ve learned how to make the choices that line up with who I want to be.
I was reading about attachment styles a few weeks ago, I came across this quote:
“”Instead of thinking how you can change yourself in order to please your partner, as so many relationship books advise, think: Can this person provide what I need in order to be happy?” ― Amir Levine
This is a much healthier way to determine what is right in your life. It’s not just about your partner but it is also about the job you have, the friends you choose and the way you spend the majority of your time.
Does it provide what you need to be happy?
If it does provide what you need, and you already know it, then you’re lucky.
If it doesn’t provide what you need, and you genuinely know it doesn’t, then maybe it’s time for a change.
Your happiness matters.
A lot.