I have spent the last year working hard at finding clarity on things that are important in life and figuring out what really matters. If I was going to show up more, I didn’t want to show up in ways that don’t matter. I only wanted to do things that matter because otherwise I didn’t see the point.
I learned that as long as I felt whole and fulfilled (because that matters first), then all of the things that really matter weren’t about me at all except for how I relate to the world.
It matters when you talk to the people you know. I don’t know how it took me 40 years to figure out that it matters to make a point to visit with someone you know when you show up to the same event. I was so wrapped up in myself and my own insecurities over small talk, I literally didn’t know this. I typically don’t enjoy parties, but I would attend because it felt rude not to go. Then I would keep to myself because of my own social anxiety. Turns out I was so wrapped up in myself I was being rude anyway.
It matters to care about your friends, family, and coworkers in their challenges and achievements. It’s not about you and what you’re interested in. It’s about them and what they are trying to accomplish. Being interested in others makes small talk easy.
It matters when you speak up and share what you’ve learned. I was always afraid of acting like a know it all, or coming across as bossy. But I’ve learned you just have to share the lessons and give outside perspectives to others so they can adapt it to their life if it fits. It’s part of the give and take of a relationship.
It matters that you are thoughtful. All of the time. There are no exceptions to the rule. Always be thoughtful. Towards people you don’t know, towards people you do know, and even towards people you really don’t like very much.
It matters to contribute. I used to assume everyone knew better than me. I look around and see a world full of ideas, inventions, and brilliance. I go somewhere and I’m impressed with what people can do. But there are always gaps. There is never perfection. There is always a need to fill, a hand to hold, an idea to share, a role to fill, a person who needs a hand.
It matters to do the right thing. Always. For yourself as much as for anyone else. You learn to trust your choices, actions, and decisions. You know you’ve done the best you can and you don’t have self punish or live with regrets if it turns out differently than you expected.
It matters to be generous. Maybe it’s being generous with your time, or your knowledge, or your attention, or with your money. There are lots of forms of generosity. Use them all as much as you can. Generosity can change other people’s lives, and it will definitely change yours.
It matters to recognize when you’re on a team and it matters to do more than your share. Team work makes the dream work. One selfish team player can ruin it for everyone. One person not pulling their weight, not contributing, and not being involved is dead weight and makes it harder. Many hands make light work and it’s more fun when you come together to pull something off.
Being a good person matters, loving other people matters. Doing all things with love matters, It matters more than I ever gave it credit for.
Being good in every way you can think of, all of the time, matters. My personal issues, my self limiting beliefs, my insecurities, and my self doubt were stopping me from being the best person I could be. Until I started figuring out what really matters I couldn’t get past them.
Doing what matters helps you find your way. When you don’t know what else to do, look for something that matters.