When working with a horse who is scared, sudden movements make things worse. So I learned to be very still.
At a young age I learned to freeze when my horse was pulling back while tied up, or having a bit of a wreck, so that my knee jerk reaction wouldn’t escalate the situation.
I noticed myself doing this at the wrong moments as an adult. Like I was in a constant game of freeze tag and I was always being tagged.
When the kids were little and wobbling at the top of the stairs I would freeze instead of act in an effort to stop them from falling.
When the kids started driving and would take a corner too fast I would quietly grab the door handle and stop breathing.
My survival instinct is to freeze. I shut down momentarily, or for as long as needed until things settle down.
In the last few years I’ve had to learn a new way of responding to life. Shrinking back into the curtains or freezing when I’m scared doesn’t help.
I’ve learned to pursue relationships – I used to sit back and make other people do this.
I’ve learned to reach out to others instead of shutting down.
I’ve learned to let other people be a friend to me.
And I’ve learned that doing something is always better than doing nothing.
There aren’t a lot of options right now as we wait this thing out.
But connection still matters. Connection will always matter.
We can still make friends, reach out, help others, and make connections.
And we must.
Standing still might stop things from escalating in the moment, but it’s not a way to make the best of what we’ve got.
Connection might look a little different right now but it’s not impossible.
Keep checking in on each other and let’s find a new way to live separately, but together.
Nobody wants to be alone. Especially not right now.
So will you freeze and stand still? Or will you take what action you can?