If there is one thing I’ve learned from this life, it’s that this too shall pass.
Some things feel like they are literally going to be the end of my life … My home may be taken away…My children may not choose me… I may lose my best friend…I might be alone… I may not be loved…I might be perceived as a failure…I may not be good enough…I might be rejected.
There have been countless nights I have been in that space, pacing between my bed and the toilet, sick to my stomach, shaking uncontrollably with my teeth chattering, freezing and soaked in sweat at the same time, and not able to breathe because of my fear for what the future may bring… but if can get myself back in the present moment, I make it through.
In this very moment I am always ok.
Not once has the reality of the future I was so deathly afraid of ever produced a situation where I wasn’t ok. I was consumed by my fears and it was depleting my strength, myself and dimming my light.
I got tired of being paralyzed by fear.
I was exhausted from thinking everything was ruined and that hope was gone.
I was worn out from trying to control the outcome, and everything and everyone.
I became so weary from it all but I discovered I can and have survived.
So I chose to have faith in the big picture and trust it would be ok somehow and some way.
I chose to trust that just because things weren’t happening anything like I wanted them to, or believed they should, that it didn’t mean they weren’t going to turn out ok.
I chose to trust that even though I couldn’t see anything but darkness, that there was still light.
I chose to trust that the the grand scheme was bigger than me and my current perception of what seemed so wrong.
I still get scared… but my “faith muscle” gets stronger every time I know I’ve made it through.