I’m pretty sure I became a door mat.
I didn’t mean to.
I certainly didn’t want to. I mean, nobody aspires to grow up and become a door mat. But I lost my voice.
I didn’t feel heard, so I quit talking.
I didn’t feel supported, so I quit dreaming.
I didn’t feel understood, so I stopped expressing.
I didn’t feel connected, so I stopped connecting.
I became a referee instead of staying in the game.
I let down and hurt the people who cared about me, because I didn’t stand my ground or speak my truth.
I was too busy putting out everyone else’s fires to tend to the burning desire inside of me.
I didn’t take ownership for how I was feeling, I just accepted it as my life.
And then one day I realized I was now a doormat.
I began to wonder where the strong, confident young adult I used to be went, and began the quest to find her again.
You know what I found?
Something even better…I found myself again.
The self I was before, but a bit scarred up with some grey hairs and a heart that is broken open.
“There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.” – Nelson Mandela
I learned that sometimes we have to go away a bit to fully appreciate what we already had.