For so long I felt under appreciated and misunderstood. I tried so hard to be a good girl.
I didn’t speak up, or speak out, and I certainly didn’t stand up for myself. Good girls do as they’re told.
And yet it felt like nobody noticed.
It felt like it didn’t matter how hard I tried to be good, it was never good enough. They always wanted more from me. Good girls should be grateful for what they have.
But I saw others who had more.
I tried so hard to not step on any toes and to make sure that nobody was inconvenienced. Good girls don’t cause trouble.
And yet they still weren’t happy.
One day I realized that I can’t control what other people think of me. I started to see that if they weren’t happy with me there was nothing I could do that would change that. They just weren’t happy.
All of the other people have a standard they live with, and a narrative in their head. They have their own fears, expectations, and assumptions, and no amount of “being good” is going to change them.
They already are who they are.
I was trying to change who they are because I thought my way was better. I learned that even if it is true that my way is better (and it most certainly isn’t always better), I don’t have the right to change who they are.
I still struggle with the conditioning of the good girl. I know there are so many situations that a man isn’t questioned for speaking up about, and good girls are expected to accept.
If we want to change the culture, we have to become aware of how this conditioning affects all of us, and we have to start to make choices that don’t conform to it.
We have to ask for what we want.
We have to be brave enough to dream.
We have to question why we don’t think we should have it.
We have to extend some grace to each other.
And we have to encourage each other to keep challenging the status quo.
Change is never easy. But it will never happen if we don’t start doing things differently, showing up with courage, and living in possibility.
You weren’t born to be a good girl, and neither was I.