I have always struggled with goodbyes, they’ve always felt so final. I remember going for sleepovers to my grandparents house as a child and not being able to say goodbye when it was time to go home, I would go sit in the truck and choke back the tears instead.
I have said a lot of goodbyes over the past few years… there were some goodbyes I never thought I would have to make, some goodbyes that were easier than I expected, and some goodbyes that were harder than I expected.
We are about to say goodbye to 2017 and I get a little pang in my heart knowing this is the last time we will be this person in this space, on this day, with the people, animals, and tasks we have been assigned.
But as I reflect on this year, I can see that the goodbyes I was hyper sensitive to at the time, all made space for new beginnings that brought new light.
I said goodbye to my 30’s, and then fell in love with my 40’s.
I said goodbye to some people I loved, and I cherished those memories and lessons delivered by them, and then new people showed up that I love too.
I said goodbye to some toxic thought patterns, some insecurities, and some fears, and then new ones were uncovered.
I was thrilled that several people whom I had said goodbye to in the past 25 years came back and reconnected with me.
It seems that for so many years I struggled with goodbyes because I was afraid of the loss instead of holding space for the new.
When I was helping my son do Science 10 in summer school this year we learned about the law of conservation of energy. Remember it?
I learned it in school, but had never applied it to life, it felt like I was learning it all over again. It’s a law. It seems we should know the laws, but my focus was elsewhere.
It’s the law that says that energy can neither be created nor destroyed, it can only be transformed from one form to another.
If energy can neither be created or destroyed, this means there is no such thing as loss. There is only transformation.
Mind blown.
I’ve been paying attention and I’ve noticed that transformation happens with or without us, but we can play an active role and mold the way the transformation takes place if we are conscious of it.
As 2017 transforms into 2018, I will be holding space, consciously choosing what brings me closer to the life I desire and holding faith in the law of conservation of energy, and deepening my understanding of it so I can work with it to bring the transformation I desire.
Happy New Year to all of you… may 2018 bring you the transformation and forward movement you are searching for.
“Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.”
― Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times