Giving good feedback is hard.
I went from a teenager who has an opinion about everything to an adult who really struggled with it. I didn’t want to come across as a “know-it-all” or arrogant so for the most part I didn’t say anything, even when there was a problem. I hadn’t clued into the fact that different relationships need to be handled differently.
I’ve learned that status really matters. Not only recognizing what status you hold in a certain situation, but also being aware of the other persons.
Individuals with high status don’t always welcome feedback from others especially if you are in a lower status role in the relationship. This is where I ran into my problems and shut down the whole feedback gig. It didn’t feel welcomed because I wasn’t aware of status roles and wasn’t respecting the other persons years of experience – teenagers are especially clueless about this.
As I grew older and gained experience in life, I started stepping into several higher status roles. I didn’t always realize it at the time and got myself into trouble over that. Feedback needs to be delivered entirely different when you are in a higher status role. Other people are very sensitive to your feedback and you come across as a jerk. I ran into other problems in the area and I was a jerk without understanding why.
Feedback is most easily accepted when status is first acknowledged. I don’t want to be told what to do by some know-it-all punk, but when a message is delivered to me thoughtfully about how things could be better… I’m all ears.
We can make changes in the world if we first learn how to deliver the goods. Do you want to be more awesome or a little bit less awesome?