I have been accused of having expectations that are too high and unreasonable.
We begin to rely on people for what they are good at, and I expected them to always be good at those things.
If they made a mistake or did something that didn’t line up with my expectations of them, i would be disappointed and it would make me angry.
This would happen in all of my relationships.
I expected friends to be the perfect example of a friend and I wasn’t immune from these high expectations either.
It was conflicting for me because I prefer peace and harmony over anger and fighting.
One day someone pointed out to me that you could rely on people for specific traits.
People don’t change easily or quickly and you can count on them to generally live by the same framework.
If something isn’t lining up with what you know to be true about someone, look for an outside reason.
Maybe the person who is always meticulous leaves a mess, this doesn’t mean she’s a slob now but it might mean she isn’t feeling well or had an emergency.
You can trust that she is meticulous and look for something else that is at play.
Maybe the person who always works really hard is on their phone when you think they should be working. It doesn’t mean this person is now a lazy slacker, it’s possible they are talking to a coworker, sending a work related email, or already finished the job at hand.
You can trust that they work hard and look for an external reason for what you see.
Maybe the grumpy nurse at the hospital loves to look after other people, but her own family is sick and she didn’t get any sleep the night before.
When you see people in the light of who they are, you build trust because they feel seen for who they are and understood for when they aren’t perfect.
People generally want to be good and do good.
When I switched from high expectations of perfect performance of others to knowing and trusting the values they consistently displayed, it brought out the best in people.
I went for coffee with an old friend. I have enjoyed conversations with him in the past, and every time he mentioned his girlfriend, who is now his wife, he lights up.
He has gushed about their love story for years from long romantic drives to dancing in the kitchen while making dinner.
He told me his current wife had recently become jealous of his ex-wife (whom I have never ever seen him light up or gush over).
I said to him, “if only she could see the way you light up over her, she would never feel jealous for a minute.”
And he stopped talking and genuinely thanked me for that. When we parted ways he was planning to buy her a gift and reshower her with love
When you remind people of the good you see in them, you will find that they rise into the light in which you are holding for them.
It is a great form of encouragement, but it’s also a much healthier way to think than walking down the road of high expectations which lead to anger and disappointment.
Ps. I am building a course to teach the big hearted people to become whole hearted. Subscribe to my email list at the link below and I will drop you a note when I have more details.