Blog

We are whole and worthy human beings.

Every single one of us.

The simple fact that we are here on earth makes us so.

Since that is true, what are you becoming?

At first it seems like the two ideas oppose each other.

If you already are… then how do you become?

The human element of our existence confuses us.

It convinces us to focus on the limitations of the physical world. The more we buy into these limitations, the worse we feel.

The becoming is about unravelling and breaking free of those limitations.

You are becoming more of who you really are, and more of who you are meant to be.

It is tapping into the greatness within yourself and allowing that part of you to exist in the world.

Its not becoming someone different than who you are at your center, it is about becoming the person you are at your center.

It is about becoming who you are meant to be.

The closer you get to that, the better everything gets.

I think we are doing an injustice to ourselves by holding back the tears.

I don’t know who ever came up with the idea that we shouldn’t cry, but I bet he wasn’t someone who was in tune with himself, or his heart.

I have some really smart friends, and one of them in particular is very in tune with horses and energy.

I have a story to tell you about Ben the horse. He had some self esteem and image issues that mom had been helping him with, and she lent him to a young lady and it gave Ben the chance to perform in the world.

He was brilliant. He was a shining star. And when the spotlight was on him (it was literally on him) he was glowing. It was nothing short of spectacular.

When I looked at the picture, tears sprung to my eyes.

The same thing happened when I showed the picture to mom.

The same thing happened when I showed the picture to my friend.

I asked my friend why she thought this picture made us cry and she said “his energy is soooooo big. It fills the arena! You can’t help but cry”.

That taught me something about energy, and tears, and connection.

There is a power within all of us that is magnificent. It is in you, and it is in me, and it is in our horse Ben.

And as we come into that power, or see someone come into their power, it resonates so strongly with us. Its big, and glorious, and being witness to it is magical.

And when your heart is open to really connect to it, it can’t help but fill you with belief that we are all meant for greatness.

If you stifle those tears, you are blocking the connection to that greatness inside of you and to the power that lives in you.

Ben is back at the ranch, doing what every horse does. You wouldn’t know the change he has gone through if you didn’t know his story.

But he knows.

And we know.

And the young lady that rode him – well she became a rodeo queen that day…

When you are in the presence of greatness, and when the energy is strong, and when your soul is on fire… there is nothing else on earth like it.

Please share those moments with me. Because I will NEVER get enough of watching someone step into their magnificence.

Just for today…

Decide to participate in life.

We get stuck in ruts, we exhaust ourselves doing the same things over and over. We think we know what we like, and we stick to it. But the excitement, challenges, and great stories happen outside of our comfort zone.

There are people all over the place trying to make things happen, and trying to share something with you. There are opportunities around several corners.

When you see something happening that’s new or interesting, consider joining in.

Find new opportunities to take part in, sign up for things you’ve never done.

You could help a brother out by jumping in with both feet into a pre-planned activity.

After all… life’s made for participating, you just have to try to survive.

The patterns you have will reveal the most about your conditioning.

What has been consistent in your life?

Maybe you always feel like a victim, or maybe you always choose someone emotionally unavailable.

These choices don’t make you a failure, they are trying to show you something about yourself.

Often they are showing you your beliefs about yourself, and about love.

When you are afraid of your choices, or when you beat up on yourself for the choices you’ve made, you don’t ever get to the heart of why you made those choices.

So look for patterns in your life. Not for punishment, but for insight. You will learn a lot about yourself if you ask better questions about why those patterns exist.

I believe in generosity. It is a currency all on its own, and I don’t think people understand how it works or the role it plays.

I believe that whatever resources you have to give, you should give.

But I’m learning that there are certain rules to follow because it plays into our status role within our culture.

It’s important to learn about status before you start getting your generosity all over people.

Once you understand status and how it works, then you will see the times that generosity is appropriate… and the times it isn’t.

When you are in a higher status role in a relationship or situation, generosity is the most important. And in fact quite often, the more generous you are the higher your status gets.

This is true with money but also time, attention and trust.

And when you are a lower status role generosity is something you can use to leverage or raise your status.

The problem with generosity is that when you don’t see it in combination with status roles, you probably don’t understand the significance and power of it.

It’s also interesting to note that when you are in an almost equal status relationship (because status is never totally equal) generosity only works when its coming from, and appreciated by, both parties.

At almost equal status, if generosity isn’t happening on both sides then there needs to be boundaries because odds are you are being taken advantage of.

That’s the shadow side of generosity.

But when you learn the rules and how to use generosity properly it adds an element of integrity to the situation that wouldn’t otherwise exist.

A long time ago I decided who I was going to be. We get to choose this and when we choose it intentionally then we can count on the person we know.

So I specifically chose a few things that I would be unwilling to compromise on and they have become things I can count on for myself.

I care about what matters. I don’t care about what matters because I’m looking for approval from someone else, I care about what matters because it’s important to me.

I do the best job I can. I don’t do the best job I can because someone else wants me to, I do the best job I can because that’s who I am.

I take the high road. I don’t get revenge or intentionally try to hurt others. I am conscious about keeping my heart open.

I look out for others. I have been known to “unstuck” a suitcase on a carousel at the airport, or help someone who is struggling, or share what I’ve learned in a blog. I don’t do it for any reason other than I know life is hard sometimes and the little things matter.

I am always consciously building trust. Trust is one of the most scarce things in our world today so I will go out of my way not to breach it. I won’t scam, manipulate, or lie to you. I won’t take advantage of a situation. I am careful not to abuse my power if I have power in a situation. I am always working towards building it.

This has been a foundation for who I’ve become over the years. It doesn’t matter how horribly someone else is behaving, I don’t stoop to their level.

When you start stooping you might feel justified in the moment, but it always comes back to bite you. Karma isn’t pretty.

The more good you do the stronger you become in your resolve.

Once you know you’ve done the best you can and you’ve been the best person you can be, you don’t have to beat yourself up, shame yourself, or self sabotage.

When you decide to be the best person you can be, you can’t ask for anything more than that.

About 20 minutes after I posted yesterday’s blog I wished I could completely rewrite it.

One of my thoughtful readers commented on Facebook and gave me some feedback that I agreed with and it immediately changed me.

Yesterday’s blog was about trying to let go of expectations because of a situation where I felt I had been let down… I wanted to not have any expectations so that I never had to feel let down. The moment I read Chads comment, I jumped to a new path.

Yes, we will always have expectations.

And yes, sometimes people will let us down.

Also yes… it is ok.

The solution then is not to drop all expectations of other people, but to be completely honest and clear about our expectations.

In my latest situation, I didn’t speak up to the person of authority and let them know what my expectation was. I couldn’t put my voice to it because I wasn’t clear enough and honest with myself going in.

The expectation was there, looming in my mind… but instead of giving it a voice I kept saying, “I don’t know what to expect”. This is where I started to go off track… I wasn’t being completely honest with myself.

I did have an expectation and an opinion.

My knee jerk reaction has always been to shut down and clam up. I’ve been working hard at showing up and speaking up, but as the pressure rises we can slip into survival mode and retreat to our old habits.

That’s what happened to me.

I didn’t speak up.

I didn’t tell the person of authority what my expectation was of him in his role and position of power.

In society it’s our job to hold each other accountable.

We can’t force another person to meet our expectations, but we need to give ourselves, and each other, a chance to meet them by bringing them into the light.

If I could have rewrote yesterday’s blog, that’s what I would have said.

Thanks Chad for your feedback. You helped me by speaking up.

Your thoughts are happening all of the time. You have about 90,000 per day. They pretty much never stop.

Your brain was not created to be a cheer leader. It can’t tell the future because it is repeating the past. . It does not automatically tell you that you are the smartest and the bravest and best version of human. It does not cheer you on all of the time.

That wouldn’t be helpful because it has other jobs to do.

Your brain is an analyzer, a story teller, it is a problem solver, and it is a question answer-er (even when it doesn’t know the answer).

But it isn’t made to tell the truth.

So then, why do you believe it?

Why do you let the story your brain is currently telling you stop you from moving forward?

The more you begin to observe your thoughts, the more you will understand that they are just thoughts and nothing more.

Your thoughts and your actions are currently tied together, but they don’t have to be. They can and should be mutually exclusive.

You decide to show up, and then no matter what your brain does – you keep showing up.

You decide to be healthy and then no matter what your brain does you continue to make healthy choices.

You decide to be more financially responsible and no matter what your brain does you continue to be disciplined.

Your thoughts are going to happen. And your brain will keep doing its thing.

All you have to do is start observing what it’s doing – and stop believing it.

Over the last couple of days I have been playing with a horse named Dream.  She is a big beautiful mare with an exceptionally smart and very dominant personality. 

Mom was given Dream by a lady who wanted a pet horse… Dream is not a pet, it’s just not her personality to be sweet and docile like a pet should be, but she sure is fun!  Although I didn’t always feel that way about her.  

Working with her is similar to being around a human bully.  Just like a bully wants to control everyone around them and always do things their way, so does a lead mare.  

Dream is constantly vying for the lead mare position.  

The lead mare gets to control everyone in the herd, we call it moving their feet because that’s what she does…she tells everyone where she wants their feet, and ultimately their body.  
This is the part that used to intimidate me. I was prime real estate for bullies because I was a doormat nice. 

Instead of being clear on my boundaries and what was acceptable to me, I put my priority on minimal conflict, being a doormat nice, seemed like the way to achieve peace. 

Dream showed me yesterday that I’m a different person than I used to be.  
I could feel her begin to get agitated with me as I was working with her.  I was asking her to figure out a puzzle… for a certain behaviour she would be rewarded, but only if I had asked her to do it.  She had to figure out what behaviour I wanted.  

Dream truly believes she’s smarter than me, and honestly she probably is, but I had the rules of the game very clear in my mind, and I was keenly aware that she was going to be working the whole time to outsmart me.  

As she figured out the behaviour I was asking for, she would start to do it on her own so she could get the reward…but if I hadn’t asked her to do it, there was no reward.

She did not like my rules.  

She would walk off and pace along the fence trying to figure out how to get the reward and then come back to me and try again.  

The more I didn’t play the game her way, the more agitated she would become.  

She gave up on my game, and went back to her own game…but I missed the cue.  

She had begun walking past me instead of trying to engage with me and play my game. I hadn’t fully clued in yet still giving her the benefit of the doubt, that she was still trying to figure out how to get the reward.

Rule #1 with bullies…do not give them the benefit of the doubt.  They are always angling for domination.  You give them an inch and they take a mile.  

I was noticing that every time she walked past she would come closer to me and I could sense she was pushing me.  I was determined not to let her move my feet, but my mistake was not addressing her feet..  I was aware of it, but I wasn’t strongly setting my boundary because I thought we were still playing our game and my focus was still on behaviour and reward.  

Finally she walked almost on top of me and then turned her butt to me like she was going to kick me… and she moved my feet.  

But only once.  

That was my wake up call that my game was over, I went back to establishing my boundaries and lead mare position and as soon as I had it back, she was immediately respectful and calm.  

So interesting.  

I didn’t used to be that clear on my rules and boundaries.  I was bullied around by people, walking on eggshells, scared of dominant personalities… and therefore also intimidated by Dream.    

In the last 4 years I have had to stand my ground, figure out who I am and what I want.  I have had to create my own set of rules around what is acceptable or unacceptable in my life.  

Dream taught me yesterday that I am not the same person I used to be and she confirmed for me that although I don’t have it all figured out, I am maybe starting to get it right.  She also showed me that I need to pay more attention to the subtle cues that we aren’t playing my game anymore.  

This is exactly the lesson I needed.

Oh and interesting side note… remember Dream was given to my mom?   She’s a half sister to Dex❤️

Nobody teaches you how to grocery shop with little kids and I can tell you it is no small task. I had 3 and they came everywhere with me. Since they were homeschooled, they knew how to make their own fun.

There are a lot of stories that begin with “at the grocery store…”.

Like the time the kids took off running with my shopping cart and ran into a display of glass vases all of which went tumbling to the ground and smashed.

Or the times the food hit the floor instead of the cart. There have been dropped and smashed melons, and scattered berries. We have had broken bottles of salad dressing, container of yoghurt and BBQ sauce on the floor.

When I was pregnant with my 3rd, my morning sickness took over while I was standing in line to pay… that was mortifying.

But the most consistent challenge for me has been keeping “extras” from going through the checkout. Since my kids were little they have been making a game of sneaking items through the check out without me noticing.

Unbeknownst to me, this “sneak it through the checkout” game has been going on for years.

My boys recently told me that when they were younger they snuck condoms through the checkout without me noticing. It may have been 10 years later but that story was still mortifying. I can’t imagine what the grocery clerk thought me taking my young boys grocery shopping and buying condoms.

Based on my extensive experience of grocery shopping the 3 best tips I can give you are:

1. Don’t take your kids grocery shopping with you.
2. If you must take your kids grocery shopping with you, make them sit in the cart and never park your cart within arms reach of the shelves.
3. If your children are too big to sit in the shopping cart, then only shop with them during a health pandemic where they keep their hands in their pockets the entire time.

Last night I saw a video on Facebook titled “how to stay safe while grocery shopping.”

I don’t know why they are just releasing this information now… years ago I needed to know.

Whatever the thing is that is upsetting you, or giving you anxiety is probably not to blame.

It’s the story you are attaching to it that is causing you grief.

Change your story and you will change your life.

When I write I take the most prominent idea, insight, or lesson learned from my life and I share it with you.

Some of the content I share has changed my life completely. Some of it has made my life easier, or clearer, or more rich.

And I share it all because I don’t see what good it does if I just keep it for myself. I put blood, sweat, and tears into these lessons, I didn’t do it just for my benefit.

And I can’t imagine that anyone who writes for other people would do so for any other reason.

Writing takes what is on the inside and share sit with the outside.

And that’s why books are so incredibly valuable.

You can access the minds of the most ordinary people who figured pieces of life out, or you can access the most extraordinary minds of our time… simply by reading the books they wrote.

We live in the Information Age. There is no excuse for not learning new skills.

Read books. Take classes. Learn from all of the others.

Your life will continue to be exponentially better when you read a book and get into the mind of someone else.

I don’t think any of us know what we are doing here… how could we?   

Maybe we are aliens doing science experiments on the animals and bugs.

Maybe we are a big science experiment for someone and they watch us as we go to the fuelling station and recharging station.  

Maybe all there is is this one shot at things and then we die.  

But I don’t believe it.  

I don’t believe in coincidences.  I don’t believe in accidents and I don’t believe in luck.  

I believe in serendipity, whispers and I believe everything is happening as it should.  

I believe we are given opportunities to learn and grow and I believe we always have a second chance and the opportunity to do the right thing.  

I believe in miracles and I believe in love. 

And if you are reading this, then I believe in you.  

We find ourselves in all sorts of predicaments in life.

Until we learn to trust the process of life, and sometimes even then, some of these predicaments will be scary.

Whatever predicament you have found yourself in, you have contributed to it.

This is obvious because of the original choice that put you there.  You married the wrong person, or you took the wrong job, you stayed too long, you left too early, you didn’t speak up, or a million other reasons.

But on a deeper level, you are contributing to the situation energetically.

You might be using it to fulfill a void in you – and you are afraid of letting go.

You might be trying to control parts you don’t have any control over and its keeping you stuck.

You might have asked for it in a way you didn’t recognize at the time.

You might have been avoiding seeing what needed to be seen – and didn’t keep the energy flowing clearly.

You just might have needed a new skill set and this is how its being delivered.

You might be afraid of taking responsibility and you are allowing the responsibility to fall on the others shoulders – which is keeping you tied to the situation.

We are energetically connected to everything that is happening in our life.  You can break the tie, you just have to trust that there will be a net to catch you when you fall.

And the net does appear…. just as soon as you get out of your own way and start to trust the process

I was listening to one of Oprah’s super soul Sunday podcasts and she was interviewing Reese Witherspoon.

Oprah was repeating a piece of wisdom she had heard in a deep voice, and Reese said something a bit cheeky about Oprah’s voice going 3 octaves lower when she’s being very wise.

It was one of the first times I’ve heard Oprah interview someone who could have fun with Oprah because they weren’t feeling inferior. In fact, I would venture a guess that between them Reese was playing the higher status role.

Reese and Oprah had just finished acting in the movie A Wrinkle In Time, the time they spent getting to know one another was on Reese’s territory, as actresses.

Status is a story we tell ourselves based on what we perceive about someone else and how much we believe in ourselves.

What would it take for you to feel equal to, or higher status than Oprah?

I’ll give you a hint…the person who is most generous, caring, and humble wins. Status isn’t about more ego, it’s about less.

You better start preparing now, so you are ready for the interview when she calls you.

I lost track of who I was, and what made me happy in life when I got married. Everyone warned me about it at the time. I remember my chiropractor saying to me, “when you get married, you are still two separate people, don’t forget that”.

But I couldn’t sort out what that meant.

We started a family right away and I loved being a mom so I felt like that could be my thing. My focus became what lights my kids up and what helps them be ok.

It’s been a slow journey back to myself.

If I could talk to the young girl back then I would explain to her the importance of boundaries. Everyone needs to have their own dance space in life just like in Dirty Dancing, “this is my dance space, this is your dance space”, give others the space to navigate their life and to keep her own dance space sacred.

I would let her know that nobody gets to tell her who her friends should be or shouldn’t be. She will need certain people in her life to teach her about who she is capable of becoming. We all need more than just one other person, we need many people and it’s up to us to decide who we need.

I would explain to her that she isn’t responsible for other people’s unhappiness no matter what’s she’s doing or what she’s done. It’s ok if someone doesn’t like her choices, that’s not her problem, that’s usually their insecurities and fear talking.

I would make sure she knows she’s strong and capable of handling whatever life throws at her. She doesn’t need to feel married to sunk costs in a friendship, a relationship or a financial decision. Everything is renewable in one way or another and sometimes it’s better to move forward than try to make a deal with the devil.

I would remind her about the things she has already learned but hasn’t taken ownership of in her own life. It’s always better to be classy than trashy. Commitment, persistence, and resilience are important when you’re following your heart. Being generous, trustworthy, and friendly is important with other people. Being honest is important with yourself.

And I would finally explain that courage and bravery will be her most important asset in life. As long as she remembers she can do hard things with great love, she will be fine.

I feel like talking to that girl might not have worked because she was a bit arrogant and thought she had a good plan. So I might have videoed it, or written it down, or tattooed it to her somewhere.

Or I might have just let her figure it out for herself, and let her know that no matter what happens, the journey is always far better than the destination. She would understand that for sure. Mario Brothers was always her favourite Nintendo game for that very reason.

Excuses let us off the hook.

If you have a reason prepared for why you didn’t succeed before you even start, then you don’t have to feel the sting of not achieving what you set out to achieve.

But you didn’t really set out to achieve that thing if you had already let yourself off the hook by having an excuse ready.

A long time ago I got so many driving infractions I received a letter that said if I got another my drivers license would be suspended. I had a good excuse for every one of those tickets and for a long time I would rattle off all of the reasons.

I am always surprised at how humble you need to be in order to make progress and learn life’s lessons.

There isn’t any room for excuses because excuses block the energy flow and shirk the responsibility you have to make things happen.

Excuses send a message to the universe that says, “I don’t want to learn what I need to learn because it’s not my fault.”

We hide behind excuses.

It’s so much more helpful to stop resisting and admit you don’t know the answer than try to find something to blame. Surrendering to the journey allows the teacher to appear, life starts to get more interesting and less frustrating.

I have had a (mostly) clear driving record since I stopped allowing myself to make a pre-planned excuse about why I wasn’t doing my best.

As a matter of fact my whole life has turned around since I figured out I was the one responsible for the results I was getting.

There are some things we do intuitively, without consciously knowing what it is we are doing.

Some people can play music this way, some people can draw this way, I have a friend who learned to help horses with body issues this way.

For me, it was riding horses.

15 years ago I met a young horse trainer that had taken on the challenge of teaching how to use your energy to communicate with horses from the ground and on their back.

The language was foreign to me, but the concept was very real and assimilating them was more challenging than you would expect.

When your brain gets involved in something it wants to take over and things get worse before they get better.

There are so many benefits to cognitively understanding the theory behind the practice.

Eventually I started to put the two pieces together.

Once I had the framework I was able to apply what I had learned on the back of my horse to life, and that’s when things started to get interesting.

Everything with a horse happens through feel.

How something feels is connected to an energetic frequency.  

Anything that makes you feel inspired, energized, delighted, loved, or full of joy have a high frequency and things that feel heavy, burdened, or constraining, have a low frequency.  

Like all things there is a spectrum full of nuance in between the two.

The volume or intensity level of the frequency also matters, by that I mean how big or small the feelings are.

No matter what frequency level you are operating at from joy to anger, if you come at a horse with energetic volume turned up high you will scare him, and if it’s turned down too low, he will ignore you… so will most people.

Through the years the awareness of how things feel has become my North Star.

Everything, everyone, every experience and every situation has an energetic frequency to it.

I try to always move towards what has a high frequency and feels good.  

Language is a big one.  It’s important to use words that feel good.  There is a huge difference between the words “f@$& no!” and “heavens no!” although they both get the point across. 

The first time I heard someone use ‘heavens no’ I giggled because it’s sweet and endearing but also quite expressive if the volume is turned up…. turn the volume up on ‘f@$& no’ and it’s offensive.  

I chatted with someone recently who used a lot of the F-word in conversation and I ended up feeling like he was immature and unrefined…I moved away from it.

There is a huge difference between eating your vegetables and eating junk food, or drinking water versus alcohol.  

Garbage in, garbage out.  Your input directly affects your output. I still eat a bit of junk food, but now that I’m aware of it makes me feel,  it’s very easy to moderate it.

It’s invigorating to challenge yourself and move out of your comfort zone, its mundane to always play it safe.

My year to be brave has been fun, and so rewarding.  I’m on a constant adventure learning new things and accomplishing something.  Showing up to see what happens is fun.

I have listened and read a bunch of Abraham and the law of attraction, it resonated with me because most of their message is around moving towards what feels good.

I think it’s the key ingredient to a happy life.  It’s hard not to be happy when everything you do and surround yourself with feels good, it’s how your heart communicates to you.

And as Abraham always says, “the better it gets, the better it gets!”