It’s hard to watch others make a mistake.
It’s especially hard to watch someone make a mistake that you know the consequences for.
Can you let them do it, or do you jump in?
I used to jump in all of the time.
I used to preach at them about all of the things.
And then I quit preaching and let others live their life their way.
We all know that one extreme to the other isn’t healthy. In fact one extreme to the other is just as bad – it’s just on the opposite end.
It took me a long time to find the middle ground and to learn what a positive role looks like without being preachy, or controlling.
The middle ground is coaching, which is a form of leadership.
Leadership is a journey, if you don’t take the journey you are doing dictatorship – and you are likely preaching and controlling.
This used to be me. It was not effective. It caused arguments, resentments, and broke relationships.
Coaching is a mix of positive feedback, objective analysis, and future encouragement with a heavy dose of setting them up to win.
None of these are easy. Feedback that is helpful instead of destructive is a skill.
Staying objective is a neutral position. When you care about someone, and you have strong beliefs or opinions, it’s not easy to be neutral. But it’s important.
And always making sure you are setting someone up to win with your coaching takes thoughtful consideration and a strong intention.
After all is said and done (and there shouldn’t be a lot of “saying” or you’re preaching), then allowing that person the space to choose their own way is important.
If they chose to come with you, you have enrolment. You’ve done your job, but you’ve only just begun.
This process will be repeated over and over as you move forward.
This is healthy and everyone wins here.