Talking about our feelings is tricky business. I’m not sure it comes naturally or easy to anyone. I think first and foremost we need to forgive ourselves and each other for not being able to do it perfectly. It’s a skill, and a dance, and it’s just plain hard.
It’s always so easy for me to know when my feelings have been hurt, and my knee jerk reaction is to blame the other person, “what you did/said hurt my feelings”.
While on some level this can be true, and always a place to start, I’m beginning to understand that deeper connection comes from sorting out the underlying reason for my hurt feelings and talking about that.
Enter vulnerability.
Am I trying to please someone who has rejected my efforts?
Have I voiced an opinion that is important to me, and been left feeling disregarded and unheard?
Have I attached my self worth to something that has failed, and now I feel like a failure?
Have I self sacrificed for too long, and now I don’t even know how to choose me, (and the other person won’t choose me either)?
This work is extremely humbling. If I don’t feel completely humbled and vulnerable when I’m searching for the answer, I know I haven’t quite figured it out yet.
If by this point if I haven’t reached out to someone, now is the time. Left unspoken these feelings breed shame and resentment, or leave me feeling like the victim. None of which is healing.
Sharing these vulnerable and humbling feelings with the right person is magic. The pain and shame dissipate, and you are left feeling whole again and stronger, more deeply connected and loved. You will go from hurt to loved and loving.
Vulnerability is never comfortable and it requires a whole bunch of bravery, and almost always some tears. Don’t be surprised by that or try to hold back, it’s a good sign that you’re doing the work in a way that will heal you because it’s coming from your heart and not your head.