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How We Judge Ourselves And Others

According to Oprah, intention is everything.

I have to agree that it’s an important place to start.

She learned it from Gary Zukavs Seat Of The Soul Book. From his book she learned that before there is even a thought or an action, there is an intention. Getting clear on her intention helped cure her from people pleasing. It gave her a clear vision and a purpose. It helped her to live her life the way she chose.

This is excellent.

I would like to add to it, that being clear and knowing your intention is important, but always acting in a way that lines up with it is equally important. “Put your money where your mouth is”.

Stephen Covey says that “we judge ourselves by our intentions, and other people judge us by our actions”.

In other words, we know our intention and think it makes whatever we do, ok. But other people watch our actions and when those two don’t line up, it gets us into trouble.

The first question you need to ask yourself is, what outcome do I want to achieve? Where are you heading and what is the overall goal. That is how you will determine your intention.

The next question is, what do I need to do to make it clear this is what I’m after? How are you going to show up in a way that’s in alignment with your intention? What can you do to give it life?

When I first learned about intention, I thought being clear on what my intention wasn’t was enough and it was ground I could stand on. I would say things like, “my intention is not to upset you”, or “I never intended for you to do that.”

It’s important and a good place to start, but it’s not enough on its own.

You need to be clear on what your intention is, not what it isn’t.

Once I learned that I was judged by my actions, I started thinking methodically about what I need to do to show up in a way that said I was serious about my intention.

If you don’t intend to fight with someone, then show me what you are doing to come from love.

If you don’t want to be a burden, then show me how you pick up the slack.

If you want to be a force for good in the world, then show me how you’re bringing the good.

First comes the intention, then comes the follow up action.

Each one needs the other.


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