Let’s do some real talk today.
Today, I’m going to tell you what its like to be me right now.
If you’ve been reading regularly you know enrolment into my very first online workshop is open right now.
This seems very easy from the outside… you take what you know and you teach it to others.
Simple right? Yes.
But it takes a lot to of time to get out of your own way in order to do that.
I have this perfectionist thing that I have to constantly overcome and the responsibility that comes with being the facilitator of magic is very heavy… but its only heavy because my ego has been involved.
(Ego separates us from each other – in some cases it is helpful, in others it is paralyzing – I chose the paralyzing route)
I was offering this workshop, so in my mind I had to be the one who made the magic happen for my new students. I was telling a story about how I had to be impressive and I was so focused on myself that I was noticing I was losing connection to life, to my loved ones, and to the workshop I was creating (dang it ego! why you sneak up on me like this?)
Here is the truth.
Showing up is hard because it makes you face your demons. It never gets easier because when it does get easier, you have a new goal and it starts all over again.
Sigh…
When I show up in the world in a new way, I have demons to face over and over again, and my inner voice starts to take over.
Can I somehow NOT take responsibility for my inner voice? I would like someone else to blame for this ugliness that couldn’t possibly come from me…
This is what it was whispering in the background…
“Who do you think you are?”
“Do you even really know what you’re doing?”
“How are you going to do this?”
“Do you have enough to offer?”
And the real doozy…. “what if they don’t like you?”
Ugh… that inner voice is rough isn’t it? And its sneaky because its quietly sabotaging me in the background. Meanwhile I’m putting up this really brave face so you guys don’t lose faith in me while I’m struggling with my own faith in me…
It is a circus in my head.
So I returned to the basics.
Tony Robbins says the reason you are suffering is because you are focused on yourself.
This little piece of wisdom has saved me several times in my life when I was getting in my own way… And it is saving me again.
Its important to me to be generous and to be of service. I plan to leave a legacy behind that says I made a difference in this lifetime. And I only offer my very best work – so when someone tells me that I’m focusing on myself instead of others – I turn it around quickly.
And when I stopped focusing on myself, I realized none of this is about me.
The work that I do, and the principals I believe in and teach are powerful. I have chosen them, followed them, and recieved incredible results in my life because of them.
They can stand on their own.
I am just the messenger. My job is to share this work from my view, with my experience, and the way I have internalized it.
I am not special, I am not a master, and I am not perfect. And I never will be.
I can only be me, and that has to be enough because its all I’ve got.
But I do understand this work very well, and I whole heartedly believe that sharing it with others will change their lives.
I have lived it, I have watched others transform because of it, and I know it well.
Its not about me, but I have worked hard to learn it and get to where I am.
But I am still a student myself and practicing every day.
In this workshop I am just the messenger… and that’s all I need to be.