I used to think love meant sacrifice.
I gave up my opinions, my questions, my friends, and my dreams and made my life all about someone else. I supported theirs and completely dropped my own.
Every once in a while I would get a pang in my heart when I would allow myself to ‘want’ something.
When someone else would do something for me that made me feel special it would always make me cry.
In 15 years of “being in love” I can only remember one time that I actually fought for something I wanted… afterwards it felt like I had had a temper tantrum because I wasn’t getting my way, and I never did it again.
I shut down all of my hopes, dreams and wishes and I became apathetic because I felt trapped and unimportant.
It left me in victim mentality all of the time. I was extremely sensitive to criticism and judgement because I didn’t know who I was anymore, or what ground I had to stand on and I was floundering.
I had to be on my own for several years to start to figure myself out again.
I needed the space to be able to make 1000 wrong choices, without being questioned, ridiculed, or blamed in order to figure out one right choice for me.
I needed to have the space to make 1000 bad ideas so that I could find a decent one that worked for me.
I needed the room to explore all of the things in my heart that I had put on a pedestal as unobtainable or that I was unworthy of.
I am still exploring.
I still have more bad ideas than good ideas.
I still make a lot of wrong choices.
But I am making choices now instead of sacrifices. I am here to tell you there is a huge difference in how life looks, feels and responds to someone who is making choices compared to someone who is making sacrifices.
Through my own self love I have decided that if love has to mean something, then it means freedom.
Freedom to mess up, make mistakes, fail, choose something that doesn’t work, and the freedom to do it all over again if you need to.
Freedom to be who you choose to be.
Freedom to follow what’s in your heart.
Freedom to explore new beginnings and the freedom to become a better version of yourself with every experience.
This is how we need to love ourselves and this is how we need to love one another.
You might fall down, waste time, get dirt on your face, or have to start back at square one.
You might have to watch someone else fall down, waste your time, or get dirt on their face.
But you allow them the freedom and encourage them to make enough mistakes so that they find a win all on their own.
“If you love something, set it free.”
I used to think that meant let it go, but now I think it means to take the chains off.