Every once in a while it seems like everything that was working in life quits working. I don’t know how or why it happens but I assume it is a redirect.
I’ve been consciously out of balance in my life for a while now. I knew I could either put the brakes on and resist life, or flow with it keeping the faith that it was all happening for a reasons I couldn’t yet see.
As the dust starts to settle I realize it’s taken me to a point where I am feeling a bit lost and unfocused. I have been bumbling along trying to follow the breadcrumbs I left behind earlier but it’s not been easy to put the pieces together. I can feel self doubt starting to creep back in and my confidence is waning.
The balance I’ve been missing is attention to my inner life vs. outer life. My outer life has been taking the lead, and now my inner life is trying to get my attention. I haven’t had time to recharge the way I normally would, quiet contemplation is rare and thinking is burning me out instead of filling me up. Since I like to think my way into a solution this is really tripping me up.
When I don’t have time for myself, I feel like the people around me don’t get the time and attention I would like to give them, and I start to feel bad about that. There are enough people who count on me to keep it together, it adds pressure. When the tank is empty everything grinds to a halt.
The past two weeks I have spent trying to make a correction for the past 3 months of insanity. A wise lady once told me, everyone hits the ditch, the key is to get back out of the ditch as soon as possible. So I’m working on it. Resting, hibernating, and being a bit of a recluse, trying to get my feet back under me.
I had a dream last night that I went for a pedicure and the lady refused to work on my feet because they were in too rough of shape, so even in my dreams I appear to be struggling to get my feet under me.
I am watching my inner dialogue as my confidence wanes and self doubt creeps in, and I’m working on staying compassionate towards myself. I’ve learned in the past that criticism and negative self talk is not the way to get out of the ditch quickly, and I’m tired of all of that anyway.
Today I will move forward. Take another shot at taking the weight off my shoulders that has been piling on, and do the best I can to get back out of the ditch and back on track with life and balance and all of the things I preach, and wait to see if I end up on the same path as before or a new one