This whole year has been about being brave. I’m doing things that scare me, having the hard conversations, speaking from my heart, and allowing people back into my life – this one might be the scariest of them all.
Through a magical series of reconnecting with people from my past, this year has also serendipitously turned out to begin an integration with my old self, the person I used to be before I completely lost my identity. [Hopefully this is the last piece of a seemingly never ending mid life crisis… why couldn’t I just want to buy a red sports car and then be done with it?]
This integration has been interesting. As I’ve been writing my blog, I’ve been trying to conjure up memories from the past. I usually could only come up with the mistakes I had made, the people I had hurt, and the wrong choices I had made that led me to where I am now. I had somehow shut myself off from the good parts of who I was.
When I lost my identity, not having an identity became my new identity, and any part of who I was before that point felt like a black hole in my memory bank
Our mind can play such crazy games and weird tricks with who we are. What our reality really is, is only made up in our mind… I now understand this so much better because mine changed so drastically in mine.
All of these wonderful angels from my past have brought me messages about the good parts of me that I had lost along the way. As I have listened to the stories, and reignited memories of days long forgotten, I have been slowly reconnecting with my old self, and the black hole is filling with colours and life.
This blog, combined with Facebook, have been a major catalyst for all of this healing. Its given me a home to share the stories, its made me conscious of the stories I couldn’t find, and reconnected me with the people I needed to hear from, the people who only new the old me.
If I hadn’t made the choice that day to start writing, my life couldn’t have possibly be what it is today.
If I didn’t choose to be brave and try new ways of showing up I’m the world, I would still be disconnected from that girl and have a black hole in my memory bank.
If I didn’t choose to ask hard questions, and speak from my heart, those conversations with those angels might have been cordial and polite, but not life changing for me.
If I hadn’t started my new life almost 5 years ago now, I wouldn’t have ever had the space to fully embrace this midlife crisis, and maybe would have settled on a red sports car.
It’s never too late to start new because when you’re on the right path things happen fast.
It’s time for you to start.
It’s time for you to show up differently in the world.
It’s time for you to do things you have no idea how to do.
It’s always the time to do it.