I have always found group dynamics a lot trickier than one on one. I’ve always been best at 1 on 1 because the conversations flow and you can talk about things that matter. In a group dynamic I feel more alone and I struggle with all of the small talk.
However, lately I’ve discovered a bit of magic in group dynamic. If you can achieve the flow, then it takes on a life of its own. This is fun.
I love the challenge of trying to make this happen and there are a few components that I’m finding help to spark magic.
I prefer not to leave the guests to their own agenda because then they do what they’ve always done. The drinkers will drink, the shy will hang back, and the grumpy people will spread negativity. People change and connect when they leave their comfort zone. So I might try to set things up to encourage that slightly.
Priya Parker (she wrote The Art of Gathering) says to be exclusive about who is invited, only invite the people who are supposed to be there for the purpose of the gathering. Let them know why they have been chosen to be there if it isn’t obvious. It helps them to sort out their role for the gathering.
The greeting is important because it sets the tone. I have a girlfriend who always so genuinely pleased to see me. Every time i see her I look forward to her warm greeting and big hug. When you make someone feel really special, they take that feeling with them and spread it.
Be completely inclusive once you have them together. Plan things in a way that brings the group together and help them with conversation starters. It’s hard to get to know each other when they don’t even have a starting point.
Every single person wants to feel important and be seen. See them and what’s unique about them and try to bring that into the equation if you can.
Be aware of your crowd. Some will be keen, some won’t. Forcing them to do what you want is counter productive, but be sure they know they are welcome to join.
It doesn’t matter how amazing you are at including 39 people if you are in a group of 40. If you miss one it’s trouble, and most people notice, so be prepared with some “extra” of whatever you’re doing.
A project makes things much less awkward and it also builds connection. Cooking together is a great project. Everyone has a job and a purpose and it’s still intimate enough for good conversation.
If you can create an inclusive alternative reality for your guests, they will love it. The bonus is that you will feel like the belle (or beau) of the ball because they return all the love back to you.