We are at the hardest and most wonderful time of the year. It used to be my absolute favourite time of year, and then it turned into my absolute most dreaded time of year.
I had images of Christmas and the holidays, and what they should look like in my mind. I was living in a snow globe, snuggling up to the people I love, there would be lots of twinkling lights, fuzzy slippers, Christmas carols, warm pyjamas, hot drinks and chestnuts roasting on an open fire. Christmas morning images are of early footsteps, excited squeals, mountains of wrapping paper, and yummy breakfasts. It all sounds so dreamy and magical and it’s what I thought it was supposed to be like.
My life wasn’t even close. The huge gap between where I was and the image I held in my mind fo what it should look like caused me a lot of pain and suffering.
My worrying would begin as soon as the kids were back in school. The start of the holiday season was fraught with fears of failure over not being able to pull off the magic on my own, waking up alone on Christmas morning, and the ultimate sorrow of not being with all of the people I love for the duration of the holidays, no snuggling, no squealing, no chestnuts. I would ruminate on all of it for months and I was a mess by the time Christmas rolled around.
Each year for the past 5, it would take me a while to sort out what wasn’t right with me until I would finally remember the wise words of Tony Robbins… “the reason you are suffering is because you are focussed on yourself”.
Those words have saved me on countless different occasions, but they always save me at Christmas time.
The holiday season is for giving, for gathering, and for gratitude. It doesn’t have to be about me. It’s not even supposed to be about me.
I’m pleased to report that I’m not feeling any Christmas woes this year, I’m simply looking forward to spreading love and holiday cheer. I think I have finally healed the wounds and the images I hold are different, and they are much more realistic and achievable. It’s much more peaceful to live in this space.
For those of you who are struggling… you are not alone. I promise that if you keep working your way through the muck (and keep reminding yourself of Tony’s words) that you will once again find peace in your heart. I am proof of that.
Sending you my love through the holidays… and always❤️