I’m very careful about what I say I’m going to do because it’s important to me to always keep my word. I learn over and over again that too much of anything is bad… even this seemingly integral trait of keeping my word.
I used to be slightly afraid of accountability partners because they felt like too much commitment. When someone is there checking up on me, it put extra pressure on me to do what I say I’m going to do…sometimes it just can’t happen, so I didn’t want to participate and let them down.
I took a bit of a leap when I promised to start writing everyday, and I took another leap when I joined a weekly mastermind group. Both endeavours have some fairly strong accountability aspects to them.
Luckily I have a brilliant mastermind group. They are a lot smarter than me and can help me figure out hard things.
When they wanted to set weekly accountabilities, I shook my head. I told them something like, “if I say I’m doing something I will almost kill myself to get it done, but sometimes once I start I realize it’s the wrong thing to be doing…I will do it anyway because I said I would, so I don’t want to join in here”.
They are so kind and told me I don’t have to, but then gently suggested that maybe I’m taking this to the extreme. Setting accountabilities isn’t about letting them down, or letting myself down (say what?)… it’s about speaking up with a plan of action about something that is not to be ignored any further, and flushing out some of the details around it.
It’s about figuring out if the thing in your head is the next step… or not.
I’ve been gingerly participating, but I’ve noticed something completely unexpected along the way.
Reporting to someone else every week has me paying closer attention to what’s happening inside of, and outside of myself and I’ve decided I’m pretty much a hot mess.
Sometimes I know exactly the direction I want to go and the next step to take, and sometimes (even before I even take that step) I feel like I’m totally failing at life and have no idea what to do next. Sometimes I feel like one of the three blind mice, stumbling around and bumping into things.
The beauty about having a predetermined arrow to follow, and people I have to report to about it, is that I can always just take another step forward, no matter how stumbly and bumpy I’m feeling inside.
I used to follow my feelings of insecurity and let them talk me out of doing something… now I’ve learned that those feelings are fleeting, unpredictable, and usually not related to where my arrow is pointing… plus I have people I am accountable to, which makes me feel crazy to change my mind, and life direction every week because of my feelings.
There are two lessons here… the first one I learn all of the time. Extremes are bad no matter where they pop up. The second one is, accountability has more happening than what first meets the eye. I recommend having someone in your corner who shows up for you because they care not because they are holding you to a standard.