I had become so tired of living on eggshells.
Living a life where you are constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop was stressful and exhausting… there was a never ending amount of shoes.
I must have been complaining to a friend teacher about it one day when he asked me what I really wanted… and I replied without hesitation, “peace”.
At the time it seemed like such a simple request, but 5 years later as I still hold the goal of peace in my minds eye… I’ve begun to understand how tall of an order it really is.
There are so many levels and layers to work through because “peace” is ultimately an inside job.
Forgiveness has been a big one, A Course in Miracles says, “to forgive is merely to remember only the loving thoughts you gave the past, and those that were given to you. All of the rest must be forgotten.”
I can tell you I have had a lot of unloving thoughts – this is not as easy as it sounds.
Compassion also plays a big role in feeling “peace”.
“Compassionate action involves working with ourselves as much as working with others” – Pema Chodron
It’s a whole lot easier to feel compassion for someone else who has no direct effect on our lives whatsoever, than it does to be compassionate with ourselves, or someone who has deeply wounded us.
When I have done something really dumb (or someone I love has) and the consequences are big… compassion is the last thing on my mind.
Staying present is fairly peaceful.
Unfortunately my brain interprets every minuscule first world threat to be the same thing as having a sabre tooth tiger chasing after me… this makes it pretty challenging to stay present.
It’s a peaceful feeling to know the universe has my back and everything turns out for the best in the end… but it’s hard to see that when I’m getting my ass kicked in the arena of life.
Not to mention the “not at peace” feeling I get when there are inconsiderate people in the Tim Hortons drive through, or a customer makes unreasonable demands…and let’s not even start talking about the momma bear in me.
I did not realize when I blurted “peace” out that day that the miracle that would bring me peace was not going to be a change in others.
The miracle that brings me peace is a change in myself.
PS. I am building an online course to help big hearted people live a little more whole heartedly. If you would like for me to drop a line as more details become available, subscribe to my private email list below.