The “looking glass self” is Charles Horton Cooley.’s theory. It’s the idea that we are who others think we are. “I am who you think I am,” said Cooley.
As we go through through life we are labelled “good”, “bad”, “smart”, “dumb”, “pretty”, “ugly” etc by others.
And we believe those labels.
I can think of several labels I’ve held through my life that I have allowed to define me as a person.
Some were positive and I stepped into those roles with ease. I’m thankful for these ones because they have carried me throughout a lot of my life.
I was labeled super smart in school. I was told I was athletic, and a beautiful horseback rider. I was told I was pretty, and I was fun to be around.
Others were not so positive, and I have fought them for years.
I’ve been told I’m a quitter, I’ve been called a loser and a nerd. I was told I never learned how to work and that I wouldn’t amount to anything.
And when you get those messages, a small part of you starts to think they might be right.
I couldn’t see any evidence that pointed to the contrary. I could only see the small circumstances or moments when they might have been right.
I would work myself to exhaustion, and still think I hadn’t worked hard enough because I “didn’t learn how”.
I would stick with a situation long after it had expired because I didn’t want to be a “quitter”.
I struggled to open my heart and be a friend because I thought I was socially inept or a “loser”.
These labels hold us in a light that makes us feel crazy because we can’t break out of them.
But one day after years of healing, exploring self awareness, and learning how to believe in myself – I realized that I am none of those labels, the positive or the negative ones.
We are humans.
You are on a human journey just like everyone else.
You will learn new skills that you can excel at if you choose to.
You will have success in some areas and have no idea how you got there. In others areas you will know exactly how you got there.
You will be a beginner who doesn’t have a clue what you’re doing over and over. And it will humble you. But eventually you won’t care anymore you will just enjoy learning.
You will learn that nobody is perfect, nobody is special, and nobody is born more talented or gifted or worthy of anything that you aren’t.
You are not the labels you have been given. Do not let others put you in a box. They have no idea what you are capable of. You don’t even know that yet.
And I know that because I’m right in the messy middle of figuring it out for myself.