I have never read the book on the 5 love languages, but I’ve had a few friends read them and I have researched them a little bit.
In my very basic understanding of them, there are 5 different ways in which we feel and show love towards others, we can be a combination of a few or have one very dominant language.
They are:
- Physical Touch
- Acts of Service
- Quality Time
- Receiving Gifts
- Words of Affirmation
I am definitely a quality time girl with words of affirmation/acts of service coming in close second (for those of you who want to show me more love – now you know they key to my heart?).
You need to know your people’s love language, things can get derailed awfully fast in our busy lives when one of you feels love by having quality time, and one of you by acts of service…the quality time girl starts chasing around the guy serving all of his people and both end up annoyed at the other.
It’s hard to see outside of your love language. Because gifts and physical touch are lower on my language scale, they don’t come naturally to me when I’m stressed or in survival mode…the last thing I want to do is find a thoughtful gift for someone when my life is maxed out…but give me a helping hand or an hour of connection and I’m a new person.
I also found it important to figure out what my kids love languages are.
A child/teenager/adult whose love language is words of affirmation feels unloved in a hurry with undue criticism or harsh words… but if you encourage and compliment that child, he will light up and blossom. A physical touch child needs back rubs, hugs and to sit close.
I connect easiest with my quality time kid, but now I know I have a physical touch love language child and a words of affirmation love language child I am better equipped to love them in the way they understand… I only wish I had known it sooner because I know I didn’t cuddle my physical touch child enough.
The book 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman goes into much more detail if you’re interested, and there is also a quick online quiz you can take if you don’t automatically know which one would be most important to you.
It’s definitely worth knowing.