I was discussing recent events in my life with a friend a while back and she said to me, “people do the strangest things thinking they’re getting their needs met”.
I loved it when she said it because even though I preach about others being mirrors to us, there are still things I take personally. I was in the middle of a “taking it personally” scenario. Her words helped me get some distance so it didn’t feel so much like it was “all about me”.
I’ve noticed when there is something I need to hear or understand better, it pops into my life in different ways and from different messengers.
When I was reading an article and one of the headings in the article said, “No matter what kind of behavior other people exhibit, they are acting in the most effective way they are capable of (at that moment) to fulfill a desire or to relieve their suffering”, my ears perked up.
Same message, new messenger.
The article went on to say, “Some methods are skillful and helpful to others, others are unskillful and destructive, and almost all destructive behavior is unconscious. So there is no good and evil, only smart and dumb (or wise and foolish.)”
I’ve often wondered if destructive behaviour is smart or dumb. Manipulation appears highly calculated, but if that person deeply and open heartedly understood the consequences and ripple effect of their behaviour… would they still do it? I don’t think so.
What does all of this mean?
People are constantly trying to meet their need to fulfill desires or relieve suffering. That includes me and you.
Conflict comes when one person is trying to fulfill a desire and another person perceives that action of fulfillment to cause them suffering.
At that point we begin to gain insight as to whether a person is skillful or unskilled.
The trick is knowing what to do once you gain the insight.
I haven’t totally figured that part out yet.