We need to be careful with the idea of belonging. It’s something we all need, but at the same time we are constantly being told to fit in.
Learning the difference between the two is critical. Belonging is a need. Trying to fit in is fear and scarcity based.
In middle school the kids were more direct about it. They make fun of, point out, or ask questions when you’re doing something that isn’t typical. They are afraid of being ostracized and threaten alienation of each other.
But you have to do something against the rules to be actually ostracized from middle school, otherwise you belong there even if the kids try to tell you a different story.
As we get older, the middle school social directness faded away, and since we are all a little scarred from middle school, we pick up on subtle social cues that we aren’t behaving in a way that fits in… a sideways glance, a head nod in our direction, or a whisper can put us right back in those insecure feelings of middle school all over again.
It’s interesting because we live in a society that tells us to fit in, but wants us to stand out. The people who are in the arena and showing up for life in a way that makes them different and unique are the most admired and the most criticized.
We don’t need 6 George Straits. We only need one, and then we want someone different.
We also don’t want 12 Oprah’s or 4 Ellen Degeneres. We only want the one and only.
It’s important to outgrow our middle school training, and find a way to be the most unique version of ourselves amidst the criticism and critiques. That’s what showing up for life is all about.
And if we can model that behaviour to our children, maybe they won’t fear ostracism in middle school and figure this out faster than us.