I started dating when I was about 14. I have almost always had a boyfriend (or husband) from then on. I have one sister and only girl cousins, so boys were quite a novelty.
On top of that, I have only ever wanted a few close people in my life rather than a large group of friends that felt more like acquaintances. I enjoy getting to really know someone and having meaningful conversations.
Having a boyfriend fit into my life quite well as you spend the time getting to know each other and being close.
I went straight from dating to being married without a break. I really loved being married and having a family of my own, and I was a really great wife.
It wasn’t until the last 4 years that I had to figure out how to do life on my own.
There have been some challenging moments like when we had a nest of baby birds in the dryer vent, and when the plunger wasn’t enough to unplug the toilet, or the winter we had one major snowfall after another. Weddings are another challenge, there is something psychologically tricky for me about going to a love union alone…
But the major blessing has been having so much time to really get to know myself.
Without anyone else to worry about or navigate with, I have had the space and time to figure out what I love and what I don’t love, where my priorities are, what makes me tick and what turns me into a time bomb.
I found myself wondering yesterday how people even begin to know themselves when they have another person influencing every area of their life and choices.
I’m not sure I would be a great wife anymore.
I love my life so much now.
The freedom to do life the way you want, and on your own terms feels so good after so many years of giving it away. I’m sure there is a balance in relationships I haven’t found yet, but this solo journey has been very rewarding.