Right now I am taking a course from a friend – who is very smart and knows this subject inside and out, and I am a beginner. This has thrown me into beginner territory and I’m a complete hot mess over it.
I love to learn, and I think I’m pretty smart.
I was labelled as a smart kid in school. When I was young the school put me in enrichment programs until my parents pulled me out not wanting me to turn into a nerd with no social skills.
But the smart label stuck with me.
Labels are tricky because they can push you to live up to it, and they can also debilitate you when you aren’t living up to it.
Old labels become a story we tell ourselves. Nobody really cares about them, except for us. They become expectations and standards that we hold for ourselves. Sometimes this is good, and sometimes it’s not.
I am happy to be self taught. This is a safe space for me because there are no comparisons, there are no grades, and there is no test. It’s just me, expanding my knowledge.
But it’s very hard for me, and my ego, to be taught new things. I have embarrassed myself several times because my ego takes over trying to outsmart the teacher.
So please keep me in your thoughts as I learn from my friend and try not to let my ego embarrass myself and ruin a friendship in the meantime.
While I am being humbled over here I am once again reminded that the past does not equal the future.