I went through a large portion of my adult life with my heart closed not even knowing what that meant or the consequences of it. I was in survival and self preservation mode. Opening my heart didn’t feel safe, and quite honestly it probably wasn’t. I had the wrong people in my kitchen cabinet.
Since I have re-organized and re-prioritized my life, living with an open heart has been a goal that I achieve most of the time.
You don’t realize how often you shut down and close your heart until you make a conscious effort to keep it open. It might only take a sideways glance from someone you admire, or it might be a comment that triggers you, it could be a direct insult or an attack. We are likely to close our hearts every time we feel threatened.
If you can leave your heart open and look inside when you are hurting, rather than closing it, you might find that it’s not so pretty in there sometimes. These are tough moments because they are revealing a part of yourself that is insecure, or feels shame, or fears rejection.
Every time you close your heart you lose a chance to create a deeper connection, to have a new conversation, and to heal a part of you that’s lurking underneath your cool exterior.
Leaving your heart open feels vulnerable. Having an open and honest conversation with yourself about how you’re feeling is the first step. I would skip this part. I always wanted to talk myself out of feeling the way I was. I would say, “it’s not like I expect you to only think about me”, “or I should be ok with this, I had it coming”.
None of his is helpful to heal the wound or deepen connection.
The only thing that helps is honouring how you feel, and sharing it with a safe person (ideally the one who triggered you, but that is not always possible). It’s ugly and messy, the words don’t ever come out right, and it’s not even a little bit fun in the moment. But right after it’s done, things change.
Intentions become more clear, connection with the other person strengthens, and you can stand a little bit taller because you honoured how you feel. It helps the person on the other side to be a better person because they understand a little more about you and about people in general.
Once you recognize an open heart in yourself, you will recognize it in others. In order to be compassionate, you first have to learn how to live with an open heart.