I told my dad once it wouldn’t matter to me if I lived in a cardboard box as long as I was happy, and I believed it whole-heartedly in my youth.
But what I didn’t know was that being so broke you can’t buy groceries to feed your children was sickening … which led to having bill collectors phone so often you can’t bear to look at the phone, and borrowing from Peter to pay Paul only leaves you in a worse spot.
There was no way to be happy in those circumstances for me.
I read Tony Robbins book Unshakeable recently and in there he talks about how Neuoscientists have found that the part of the brain that process financial loss is the same part that responds to mortal threats.
I can fully attest to that being true.
I still go into a crazy fear spiral, I get sick to my stomach, I sweat, and I walk around on the verge of tears if I get a large unexpected bill or if someone says I owe them money I haven’t paid.
I had a dentist appointment one day, and I had just opened a $6000 surprise bill before I walked in. I remember the dental assistant trying to calm me down thinking I was afraid of the x-ray machine when in fact I was Ina major fear response from my mail.
Worse than that, if my bank balance doesn’t stay at a level I have determined is comfortable for me, especially after paying those unexpected bills, I immediately go into scarcity and survival mode.
Tony said, because of how we are wired our brains believe financial downfall is certain death.
In the book, he talked about PTSD when it comes to financial crisis… but then he talked about something even more interesting, he called it Post Traumatic Growth.
The times that shock us the worst and cause us the most pain can also create tremendous amounts of growth if we let them, he talked about survivors of The Holocaust are some of the most warm and loving people he has ever met.
Post Traumatic Growth is where we need to focus, after all you can either grow or you can die.
As for me, I think my cardboard box theory is over.
I volunteered at the homeless shelter a few years ago, and I certainly didn’t find the happiest people in the world there.
I still strongly believe happiness doesn’t come from what you have bought with money.
Happiness comes from being healthy and feeling ok inside, growing instead of dying through the hard times, following your heart and living your truth, and serving others.
To me, that’s the perfect combination.