I found myself with some extra time while I was hurrying up to wait for the next volleyball game in the tournament my son was in this weekend.
Luckily for me the tournament was at the University, and they have a book store.
I wandered in and was thrilled to find Brene Browns new book, Braving The Wilderness on a shelf there.
I’ve been able to get through the first chapter only, which is all about belonging…or her story about how she never felt like she belonged anywhere (eventually even in her family of origin) and it has made me a little more aware of the story I tell myself about where I belong or don’t.
As a child I always struggled with joining in, making friends, trying to fit in, feeling ostracized, alienating myself, and feeling wanted.
It was a vicious circle.
There are times I still struggle or second guess myself in social situations wondering if I should include myself when I haven’t been invited.
I am discovering it’s when my ego is working overtime and I’m focused on me that these insecurities arise.
Then I remind myself of the Tony Robbins quote, “The reason you’re suffering is because you’re focused on yourself”. (I should have this quote tattooed on myself somewhere because I can’t seem to always remember it when I need it).
This piece of wisdom molds to any situation that involves “me”.
When I stop thinking about being accepted, or being included and I started thinking about how I can contribute, it changed everything. (Now insert Wayne Dyer, “when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”)
If you can bring value, the spirit of generosity, and a little bit of love into social situations, and if you focus on what you can give from your heart instead of what you can get (or lose), it opens up new pathways for connection,
When you make connections and interact from this space, everyone is left feeling good inside.
Maya Angelou told Oprah, “your legacy is every life you touch”.
We don’t have time to worry about ourselves, we have a legacy to build.
The question is not, “what can I gain?”
The question is, “what is the best use of me and who I’ve become in this moment?”
And then allow that to happen.