I was going to be married forever “no matter what”.
I promised myself that when that ring went on my finger it would never come off.
I preached to others that they needed to see the good in their spouses and stay together.
I was so “anti-divorce” that when a girlfriend walked out of an abusive marriage and straight into the hospital for an eating disorder, I wasn’t supportive of her.
I don’t make commitments easily or take them lightly, and when I said those marriage vows in front of all of my friends and family I meant them.
Of course things didn’t work out like I had promised, but not because I didn’t love being married. I loved being married. I loved having my own little family, I loved having a date to go places with and I loved having someone else to blame because there was someone sharing the adult responsibilities.
Letting the vows, promises, visions, and ideas go that I had poured myself into was no easy task. It took a seemingly endless stream of dark days and tears, so many sleepless nights staring at the stars, a small car accident, health issues and hair issues, many lessons in forgiveness and compassion, a thousand podcasts, a million inspiring quotes, I lost hope and then I found it again with the help of a small army of people with ears who cared enough to listen and offer outside perspective, and finally I started to rewrite my story.
Now that I am on the other side I joke that everyone needs to go through at least one divorce in their lifetime.
But the real truth is you need to be brave enough to rewrite whatever story you have that isn’t serving you anymore but you can’t let go of the idea you sunk your teeth into. It might be the story from your past, the story for your future, and just like me it could likely be both.
It’s not worth it to live your life in a way that doesn’t feel right now just because it once did. We grow, we learn, we transform and we take new paths, and not only is it ok, it’s normal and evolutionary.
We just need to get out of our own way so we can live the life that’s waiting for us.
“Don’t surrender all your joy for an idea you used to have about yourself that isn’t true anymore.” – Cheryl Strayed