I’m not a fighter, I’m a lover.
I used to tiptoe around people.
I didn’t want to upset them, be the cause of their unhappiness, or be the focus of their wrath.
I would keep my mouth shut, not speak my truth, and lose my voice trying to keep the peace.
But then I realized all of the problems I was creating by keeping quiet.
I was allowing bad behaviour in others and teaching them it was ok to treat me poorly by never correcting it or standing up for myself.
I was taking responsibility for how others felt instead of letting them own their own feelings and learn from them. We learn from joy and from pain. Emotions are our guides and I was robbing them the opportunity to grow and be faced with emotion.
I was caught in a life and relationships I didn’t want to be in because I didn’t speak up for what I wanted.
And as I lived this way, my kids were learning to do the same by watching me.
Because I didn’t want to fight, I was teaching people it was ok to walk all over me.
Because I didn’t speak my truth, I wasn’t giving myself a chance to live the life I wanted.
Because I backed down, I gave them more power.
So I started speak my truth a little bit.
At first it was met with a lot of scorn, judgement, and sometimes rage.
The bad behaviour in the people I had taught to treat me poorly escalated instead of improved until they began to realize I wasn’t going to be shut down by them anymore.
We are treated the way others treat us because we allow it to be that way.
When there isn’t a payoff for the bad behaviour for the other person anymore, or in other words you don’t succumb, you don’t concede, you don’t oblige, and you don’t conform to their ideas and opinions that don’t work for you… eventually the either person has to do something different.
Sometimes they begin to ask the question.. “what is it you want?”
And sometimes they don’t ever begin to care what you want and they give up the fight and call you unreasonable.
That choice is theirs to make.
In the end, my payoff was huge.
I live in more peace now than I ever did when I was always trying to keep the peace before.
I live by my truth, and I answer the call of my heart, and the only people allowed in my inner circle are the ones who support and encourage that in me.
They were right when they told me it wouldn’t be easy.
But they were also right when they said it would be worth it.