I think we confuse feelings of rejection and abandonment because ultimately the fear of being alone is the underlying root.
Rejection was a huge trigger for me, but I didn’t realize it or see it that way. It showed up in all of my relationships and social interactions. I was hyper sensitive to any sign or signal that might indicate someone didn’t “want me”.
I found myself clinging to unhealthy relationships in order to avoid feeling rejection. The more unhealthy it was the more I clung.
When you begin to understand that what people say and do is about them, and not about you, then you can see that the idea of rejection is just a story we tell ourselves, it changes all of our relationships.
And that’s what happened for me.
Before I understood this, I thought that other people had the choice to push us out of their lives. My rejection button or trigger would be activated and I would recoil back like a wounded animal.
But when I learned to tell a different story… one that says that the other person is in pain, has shut down their heart, or they are just pushing away… then I learned we can choose to react to their actions differently.
I learned I could stay. That someone else doesn’t have the choice to make me go away if that’s not what I want. I learned it doesn’t help when you go away.
It surprised me to learn that rejection isn’t actually a thing, it’s only a story.
Now I can see that what I used to perceive as rejection was simply the other persons way of saying, I don’t have the skills to handle this right now.
It has nothing to do with us.