I have always been hyper sensitive to other people’s boundaries.
When someone would tell me ‘no’, I would think it was an absolute dead end. I would respect their ‘no’ and drop the issue.
That is the easy thing to do isn’t it? When someone says ‘no’ we can drop the towel. Then it’s not our fault it didn’t work out.
I am beginning to realize this was a childish response to an obstacle in front of me. When I was a child no meant no. There was no grey area and I learned not to push the envelope.
But it worked for me. It was a way I could hide because I could blame someone else for me not showing up, and I have leaned on it as an adult.
My worldview has changed and I’m seeing the world differently. I am learning there are no absolutes and anything is possible, we just have to find our way.
Now I have a conflict.
Hiding behind someone else’s ‘no’ doesn’t fit with my new worldview that anything is possible. Ive learned that we are the ones responsible to make change happen and make our world a better place. Which means moving past a lot of no’s.
I am struggling to figure out how to chip away at some pretty firm no’s. My knee jerk reaction is to recoil and throw up my hands in surrender the second I get a no.
The problem I’m facing is that when I recoil, I can’t make change happen. I’m allowing old habits, old ways of thinking, and dysfunctional patterns to continue because we all remained in our comfort zones.
I’m trying to face this fear.
It brings up strong feelings of rejection (which feel like death to me), but I muster up courage and force myself to show up again and keep gently chipping away at one ‘no’ at a time.
I’m finding that some people don’t always mean ‘no’ when they say no.
They might mean I’m scared, that’s too hard, I’m out of my comfort zone, or I don’t understand… but they don’t mean ‘no’ forever even though it’s possible they mean ‘no’ for right now.
The slightest amount of progress feels good and I am constantly wondering if doors will open that appear locked up tight.
Only time will tell, but I believe its possible.